A new year. is fast approaching and we find ourselves looking to the close of 2017 and looking to the new year of 2018’s beginning being upon us. Brought with the coming of the New Year brings much reflection upon the past year and for most in anticipation for what might or will come in the new year. There is much celebration and cheer of the new and what has been. In reflection upon all these things and my own past 2017 and beginning of 2018 I have to wonder what to do with a new kind of New Year. I don’t know what to hope for or to expect for all that has and is to come is a new that is not my new or of my choosing. How does one move into the new when it is not the new that was or is wanted, hoped for, expected, or even could been imagined. How does one move forward with or into the new that are changes that are not my new and I can’t see the new or what is to be hoped for or anticipated in this new year of 2018.
My 2017 was beginning as in the normal cheerful, joyful and happy new year fashion that one hopes for and expects and continued on this manner until almost 9 months ago. My world unexpectedly turned upside down, inside out and was shattered and in a split second was a new new that was not my choosing and would never be my happy new that started in 2017. It was a perfect day that went on the normal fashion withe every thought and expectation that it would end with my love to come home as he did every day in our lives living our life together hand in hand, side by side in love. I would find myself this night with the new new that I didn’t not imagine or could have dream of. In a split second I discovered that my love gone, my heart, my life, dreams and world and family to be broken, shattered and never ever to be the same. Since I have journey on almost 9 months in that time almost 39 weeks and 271 days in this new new to now only have to start 2018 moving forward still uncertain, fearful, shattered and broken and unsure of what to hope for, anticipate and expect as the new year unfolds. I know not what will this year holds for me or what to expect or look for for me and my babies as we journey on. I have been given a blank canvas but how can I know how to move my brush with what strokes to create a mural that I know not what is it to look like. How do I strive to proceed in my journey or design of this mural if I did choose or wish for this new canvas on which I ‘ve been ask to paint. How can I paint what I don’t know, see, imagine or understand.
In theses reflections I sit hear with the usual goals for 2018, better health, better finances, and work goals such as teaching and writing but other than these simple things what is 2018 to be for me and my babies. Our 2018 what is it to be or the mural of our lives how it to be created and what will be the result of the journey in which we travel to create this new mural. Where will this new journey takes us or where will the strokes we paint with our brush upon this canvas lead us. In 2018 what should I and my babies hope for, expect, anticipate and seek out over this next new new year to come. In pondering there are endless question filled with much uncertainty and without answers that are now were to be found or can be seen as 2018 begins. What will I be reflecting upon and writing about this time next year as I reflect back on this past new year will it be answers that where found. Will this new mural be filled with answers that gave clarity and certainty for me and my babies to these questions and as we journey forward 2018. What will we find as we journey into this new new year of 2018.