A new season and chapter in my Journey

Since April 4 and durning my absence and time of silence on Heartfelt Meditations there has been much change and many translations for me and my family as we journey forward. I’m not sure at this point what this new journey is to be or look like or how to figure it all out. I hope to figure it all some how. There is just incredible so very much swirling, whirling and swirling endlessly. It is more than anyone should ever have to do. I find myself and my family learning and experinceing swimming in very deep new uncharted waters. I have found myself having become a widow and a single mom who is disabled and having to move my family across country back to Louisiana. This is a journey  I never expected or wanted. Although in future weeks to come and in future posts I will be writing about all of this as well as picking back up with the third book I was in the process of wring when this all happened back in April.

I truly appreciate understanding and patience during this season of my journey. I am learning how to find my way and path as I journey forward. I have much to say and write and much that fills my heart. I hope to be able to formulate it and pen it to paper and get it written down. All I can say at this point is that I’m doing my best and tying to go and move forward and figure this all out. It is a new unexpected journey that I must take and travel now. This will prove to be an interesting difficult journey. Hopefully my path will become more clear as I journey forward. Stay tuned for future material to come shorty hopefully in the fall if not sooner. God Bless all.




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When MaMa Sane Everybody is Sane

In life we all have heard the expression ‘when mama is happy everybody is happy’ For better or worse that is often true and reality. To know when and what makes mama happy a mama must define what make her happy. For some mama it could be a clean house or to come home to a cooked meal that she didn’t have prepare or cook. Others it might be a long hot uninterrupted bath, uninterrupted meal or conversation with a girlfriend. Another mama could think her happiness can be found in a moment or moments of uninterrupted peace and quite of silence. Also a mama could find her happiness in having a day where her child or babies are getting along and playing well. In the case of a new mama it would the joy of realizing that for the first time since the birth of your child he or she slept through the night which means you did too. Who ever thought uninterrupted sleep could be so sweet its truly the simple things and joys. It could also be the personal satisfaction or gratification of know you are back into your pre-pregnancy clothes. In any case happiness can be found in any number of places for me as I journey forward in my motherhood.

Since I have become a mommy and as I continue to journey forward as a mommy I have learned and have created my own twist and version of this saying. I choose to say if I’m sane then everyone sane. I have learned how to create moments of sanity amidst the insanity at time in my life in the day of being a mommy and ways of maintaining my sanity as a mommy. If I feel as if I’m loosing my focus, balance, control and my sanity or mind I have to step back and stop to give myself the chance to regain my focus, balance, center, control, mind and sanity. In these moments of my life in my day as a mommy I may decide during nap time today I’m taking a nap too instead of being productive. I could decide that it’s better not to worry about house work and just relax and enjoy memorable moments with my babies. Although if it’s moments of craziness with my babies I might say go play of stairs and this gives me moments to myself to stop, breath and take in some sips and relax. Although in these moments that I choose to reset, recharge and refocus, I being type A, perfectionist, I feel guilty from time to time for taking these moments and not being productive. Although it is at this point I have to remind myself these few precious and priceless moments of regaining my focus, balance and sanity have immense and immeasurable value and are worth it for myself, my babies and family.

It is in and through my sanity I find my happiness as a mama thus for when I’m happy is when I’m sane so when Mama is sane(happy) everybody is sane. In my journey as a mommy I have found my sanity in multiple places along the way.
I have also discovered that it is most essential and paramount for me as a women, wife and mommy to keep my focus, balance and sanity. In doing this not just for myself but for my babies and family I’m able to be and give my very utmost best to my babies and family. It is doing and giving my best to my babies and family that I’m am able to be the mommy that I strive to be. It is through keeping my sanity that I am able to have my mommy mountaintop moments and journey through my motherhood with strength, confidence and success. I as a mommy desire to always give my very best and be my absolute best for my babies and family. May I always strive to keep my balance, focus and sanity and not loose sight of what creates moments of focus, balance and sanity. May we as mommies have the wisdom and sight to seek out what makes us sane and happy for ourselves, babies and families as we continue to journey forward as mommies.

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Let Mama Focus

In life it can feel as if we are in a constant swirling whirling sea of things that are bidding for, trying to get, attempting to buy, and grab us and our attention. In this swirling whirling sea of life it could be school or work that has our attention. The necessity of or for finances and money matters can hold one’s attention. One’s health and good fortune. Matters of the heart can capture the attention of someone and their heart. Our families often hold our attention and hearts as well. One’s pursuit of his or her passion, purpose and happiness can capture his or her attention and focus for a lifetime. In life its seems as if we are always splitting and dividing our attention between all these these various things. Maybe that is where in lies the secret to life is finding and keeping our attention focused on what is most important and what matters most. How do we know that is the most important and what matters most. It can only be defined by each individual for themselves as to what will their focus on in life and along their own journey. In motherhood I have to ask myself as a mommy what do I want to be my focus and I devote my attention too.

As a mommy of two babies I find myself more times than not having to focus on multiple and numerous things at one time. Also I find myself asking my babies and saying to them ‘Please let mommy focus’ or ‘I need to focus please’ The point and lessons of this mommyism is that in my day as a mommy I have times and moments that I need to focus on one certain thing in that moment. I might need to focus on counting out certain ingredient for whatever I’m cooking. I could need to focus on paying my bill over the phone. It could be, when I was in school, that I need had to devote my complete attention o a pressing deadline. I have to focus on helping my daughter with her homework. Although I can say that just about daily I find myself wanting to focus or not wanting to loose my train of thought or what I was going to do next. In trying to focus I have said please let us, let me or can we all do one thing at a time. I think my life in a day would be so much more smoother, easier and manageable if I could just focus on one thing or just do one thing at a time.

In my perfect dream of only having to do or focus on one thing is in starch contrast to the multi-tasking reality and focusing on juggling numerous things at one time I am faced with the choice of choosing what I want and wish to put and devote my focus too. As I have continue to journey through my motherhood and traveled through various stages and phases of my journey as a mommy I have learned what is really most important to me as a mommy. I have been able know what I want to choose to focus on in my journey as a mommy I want to focus on my family. I want to pour all my attention into my babies and being their mama. I want to soak up the moments and years with my babies and I don’t want miss one single moment or thing of my babies. I want to pour all of my time and attention to teaching and helping my babies, learn, grow, experience and develop along their own journey. I have learned that I am now, first, foremost and and forever mama and that my motherhood not only matters but is of the utmost importance.

In my journey as a mommy I have answered this question by defining my focus as to be solely on my babies and being their mommy. Although there is a part two of this and that is how do I keep my focus and keep myself from getting distracted from my chosen focus. Moreover in striving and trying to keep the focus of my motherhood on my babies and family I have had found my own ways of maintaining my focus on my babies. For me as a mama there have been numerous things that have helped the focus of my motherhood to stay on my babies. First I must always and forever remind myself and remember that first, foremost and fore I am now mama and nothing comes before that. This thought is at the center of everything I do now. Also keeping this in mind this helps guides all my decisions and choices in my journey as mother. Furthermore it is in this thought that helps me stay focus on the most important things my babies and my family as I continue to journey forward. I as a mommy may I never ever loose sight of the truth that I am now, first, foremost and forever mama. May I always have the insight, wisdom and discernment to keep my focus on my babies. May we as mommies go forward continuing to always giving our attention to the most important focus and cherished treasure of our journey as mommies our babies.

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The Question is not did you hear me but are you listening

Life is full of questions. It can be a quest for the answers to the questions asked. It is often that the questions we ask lead us to and through our journey in life. We ask a myriad of questions in life on any and every aspect and on every level of life form the micro to macro. Questions are asked about where to find or get things such as coffee, food, clothes or any other array of services or times needed for any variety of reasons. Also we ask about how to get where we are going. We ask questions about what we need to know on any given subject or area such as math, or I know I do for sure regarding that one, science (biology, chemistry, physics, medicine), geography, literature, history, economics, finance, philosophy, politics, the law, religion and spirituality, culture, society, life in general and any and everything in between. There are questions about the universe, how things work and why they work. There are questions about what does that mean or the meaning of life. There are questions about who we are and what is our purpose. We ask questions about where did we come from. There are other questions that involve what should we do in life and how to go about doing it. In asking questions one tends to find that the same questions can have meaning or significance equally on the micro as well on the macro or that these questions can be just as complex as they may seem simple. The questions we ask often involve the who, the what, the when, the why and hows of our life as we journey forward. Sometimes in life it’s not just about asking the questions but asking the right question and how does one discern and define what is the right questions to ask in life. In my journey as a mommy I’m ask and I equally ask so many endless questions I have to wonder in motherhood what are the right questions to ask.

In the life of a day as a mommy I can hear countless and endless question on any and everything one could possible imagine and then some. While the list of types of questions is immeasurable here are some that I hear and I’m you as a mommy hear as well. Mommy what’s for breakfast and lunch and dinner. Mommy can I get a snack. Mommy what time is it, its dinner time, and is it bed time. Mommy can I have a story tonight. Mommy I can play, watch tv, play on the iPad or my Leapad. Mommy I can I have a friend over or better yet a sleepover. Mommy can we go to the park, play outside, go swimming, ride my bike, Mommy when it is time to go and when I can do anything just fill in the blank. Another enormous category of questions is why anything. Why does that do anything, why is bed time, why is nap time, why do I have to do fill in the blank. Equally on the flip side are questions why can’t I do this, why can’t I play outside, have a friend over, why do I have go to bed, why do I have to clean my room and any other thing you could imagine. My answer at this point, especially if said question is asked companied by whining because I said so or told you to.

After hearing and answering endless questions as a mommy on any given day I have thought there were some questions I would love to hear or be asked of me. These are some of the questions I would love to hear in my perfect mommy dream world. Mommy can I go clean my room. Mommy can I please work on my homework. Mommy can I please pick up my toys and help with clean up. Mommy can I go take a nap. Mommy can I get ready for bed. Mommy can I please eat fruit and vegetables. Mommy can I help with some of your chores. Mommy how can I help keep the house clean. Like I said ladies this is what would be asked and take place in my perfect mommy dream world. I most admit, although not often, my daughter will ask if she can help. I hoping with time things from my dream world will become a mommy reality. Moreover I find myself asking and pondering a myriad of more realistic questions such as why is it so hard to get peace and quite, why is so difficult to get ready on time, why is so difficult to get things done in such a timely manner. Why is that after begging for supper my babies eat so incredibly slowly after wanting me to hurry up to get supper done. Why is it such a major thing to just simply get my family to pick up there things and put them in the right place. Why is it such an ordeal to get anyone to follow instruction or directions and listening to me. In the day of my life as a mommy, never mind a mommy of two babies I feel these are all very valid and relevant questions to ask.

In consideration of the potential and possible immeasurable amount questions that can be asked either by my babies or by myself as a mommy perhaps the most paramount, most profoundly fundamental and significant question the can be asked is did you hear or are you listening to me. These two question seem to be the same but in reality they are very different questions with a very distinct differentiation in the definition of each question. In order to understand the differentiation in the meaning of these profound questions one must understand the meaning of each question In asking the question did you hear me is only asking did the other persons that was asked the question did they hear you. Although at times that is all that is required or need to make sure you were heard. Whereas in asking are you listening to is to indicate whether the other persons is paying attention to the person who asked the question. Furthermore asking do you understand me is trying to ascertain as too did the person not only hear you, but is he or she listening to you and if so they understand the meaning or point of the question asked. These three things are not necessarily the same thing and just because one or two may have happened doesn’t mean all took place or were achieved by the persons who was asked a question. In understanding the distinct differing meaning of these three questions it is most evidence which question has a more profound value, influence and significance. The most important, relevant and right question to be asked is the the real question that needs to asked and focused on are you listening to me and do you understand me. In my journey as a mommy it is my goal to focus on asking the relevant, significant and right questions to achieve the goal of listening and in turn understanding or comprehension.

In continuing my journey as a mommy it is one thing to be heard but being heard is meaningless and will get empty results if we are not listened to and more importantly understood. I as mommy want to not only be heard, but be listened to and most importantly and above all I hope and desire for my babies to understand. The right and revenant questions to be asked of my babies is are you listening and do you understand me and what I said. It is through listening that my babies can learn, follow my directions and instructions and grow to know the reasons behind the rules, limits and boundaries. It is through their understanding they also can grow in the knowledge of the lessons of life that come from understanding gained from listening. May I as a mommy always have wisdom, insight and discrete to know the right questions to ask and focus on. May I as a mommy always teach my babies to listen not just hear what I say. May I always guide them to understand what I say and tell them. May they through understanding gain the immense immeasurable knowledge of the lessons of life that will serve them well in their own journeys. May we, as we continuing forward, as mommies always have the insight, wisdom and discernment to ask the right question and guide our babies to understanding and the knowledge of lessons of life.


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This is an A and B Conversation C your way out of it please

One of the most interesting, funniest and my new favorite mommyism or darnedest expressions is one I heard my husband say one night when we were all out together as a family. On this particular evening we were all sitting and eating at our local favorite restaurant Pizza Man and my husband and I were talking and our daughter started to interrupt us and start to say something. Then my husband say ‘this is A and B conversation you need to C (see) your way out of it. I just thought that was the absolutely the very best, most clever and funniest things ever. I absolutely love this new expression or mommyism. I find this new mommyism most interesting because it is a clever way to address another pet peeve of my as a mommy. Thus as soon as I heard it I knew right away that I would using this frequently probably to frequently for my babies taste.

The idea of having my conservations continually and constantly interrupted is so totally aggravating, irritating and annoying to me. Always not having a whole thought or idea articulated or communicated to completion in one continuos flow with out intrusion or break is extremely frustrating for its in often of this disruption of flow of thought that I loose my thought and can’t remember it. I think also for me that because all day, while I love my chats with my babies, all I ever get to do is only chatting with my babies until my husband gets home. When I finally get the delicious rare luxury of adult interaction, communication and conversation I don’t want it messed with. When my rare luxury is fooled with and disrupted I find the interruption all that more so exasperating then normal. Furthermore its a sure bet that my babies will hear me say ‘this is an A and B conversation so C your way out of it” more frequently.

I feel that there is much immeasurable value to be found in this mommyism. It is through this mommyism that there are lessons of life to be found and are treasures that need to be given, shared and taught to my babies. The first lesson is that you do not interrupt mommy or other adults unless absolutely necessary such as in an emergency. The second lesson is in direct connection to the first it is that interrupting someone is rude, inconsiderate, impolite, lack of courtesy and just simply in correct manners. Furthermore it is disrespectful not to wait your turn to speak or to think that what you have to say is more important than what was already being communicated by others. Thirdly my babies can learn that not only do we not interrupt people but we also don’t impose ourselves in conversation that don’t concern us and aren’t our business. It is equally just as rude, lack of courtesy, impolite, inconsiderate, improper or inappropriate manners and disrespectful to impose yourself or stick your nose where it does not belong or in matters that are not yours.

As my journey as a mommy continues I wish for my babies to come to know and understand the meaning of the mommyism of ‘this is a A and B conversation and C your way out of it’. Moreover I desire for them to know and understand the immeasurable value of the lessons of life that are to be found in this mommyism. I hope that as I continue forward as a mommy that I will always strive to, although not perfectly and far from it, not just give my babies the tools to learn how to be polite, considerate, courteous, use good manners that matter and be respectful but also teach them though demonstration and my own example. I need to be most consciences of the example that I’m setting before my babies through how I communicate and interact with others. As a mommy I must be aware of my own good manners that matter in my motherhood. Do I interrupt my babies when they talk to me and do I interact or communicate with my babies in the same manner that I expect of them such as being polite, courteous, gracious, considerate and respectful. May I always and forever strive to live what I teach and teach through my example and demonstration. May I extend the same good manners and treat others, my babies and family the same way I want to be treated and expect my babies do. May we as mommies go forward exemplifying the life lessons that are to be found in ‘This is A and B conversation C your way out of it’ that we want for our babies to learn and demonstrate in their own journeys through this life.


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If I can see you then you can see it

In my world I’m always amazed at what other people can see, do with their vision or visually. It amazes me how far people can see and what they can see at such far distances. I have always been amazed and self admitted a little envious of everyone’s ability to just go through books in like no time flat and to just pour over books. My heart and personally is to be an avid and great lover of reading and books but my eyes do not allow me such luxury. Another thing I think is just amazing and if I could do this my life could be so much simpler is how quickly others can do their school work. There are countless of other examples one being in regards to motherhood it amazes how other mommies can see their babies a much grater distance than I can. Equally at times I’m just as amazed as to what people can not see. I have made the statement many times ‘if I can see it then everyone should be able to see it’ Since becoming a mommy this expression has been added to my list of mommyism for me even if known to my babies and family because I said it in my mind or privately.

This newly added momism speaks to the heart of one of my biggest and most annoying pet peeves as a mommy. I can’t tell you have many times I have said to my babies, particularly my daughter who is six, can you get me that over there or go, can you bring me fill in the blank, find your fill in the blank and can you pick up that fill in the blank. My favorite response mommy I can’t find it or I don’t see it mommy. Let’s just hold on here for a second and make sure we are understanding what is taking place in this common place scened in my life in a day as a mommy. Okay so the visually impaired mommy has identified a certain item or object to be picked up, brought to me or handed to me. The other is the object or item needed to be found can be found by the fully sighted child. Yet the visually impaired mommy can find said miss object or tell my daughter where the said object and items that needs to be picked, gathered or brought to me is. Does anyone out there thinks or sees that there is something with this daily picture. How is the fully perfecttly sight child can find or see what the visually impaired and legally blind mommy can see or find. This I find most interesting and it causes to scratch my watch.

Although I have to wonder in this mommy pet peeve and mommyism, although accurate, is there an inherent element or aspect of unfairness. Yes it is absolutely I totally accurate statement and it makes me crazy and I don’t get it at all. Though should I have to keep in mind that my baby girl is 6 and my son is 3. Children focus and attention spans is not of our as adults Then I think is she just not listening, paying attention and following my directions and that is equally as annoying or frustrating as is the pet peeve of not seeing what her legally blind mommy sees. I do my best to try, although not perfectly all the time, to be understanding and try to see it from her sweet 6 year old perspective. Also
in considering this mommyism I must pounder if in being annoyed to no end with things not being seen or found by my daughter if this is to high of an expectation or that I’m expecting to much of her at this age. Moreover does this mean am I being to hard on her or too unrealistic. On the other hand I think is it really unreasonable for a six year old or to expert her to be able to listen and follow directions to be able to find and see what is being asked for.

In continuing my journey as a mommy maybe the answers lie in how I choose to respond or react to my pet peeves. Although equally far, far away from perfect maybe I can find the answers I seek by choosing the green choices of patience, understanding, grace, very, empathy. Instead of choosing the red choices of irritation, annoyance, aggravation and frustration. Also maybe I can keep in mind my precious sweet girl doesn’t know of or understand at this point in her life all that is involved or encompasses my limitations and my issues with my vision. Moreover does she realize the annoyance that is to be found by her not finding or seeing what I see. May I also as the mommy to her and my son focus on and keep in my sight the vision and picture of the treasure of sweet precious, priceless amazing treasures and gifts of my babies I have been given and blessed with beyond measure. May I always and forever cherish my babies as I journey forward as their mommy. May we always understand what is to be the apple of our eyes and may we always focus on seeing the sweet, precious and priceless treasures we have been given to keep in our sights as we journey on through our motherhood.

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Everything in its place and everything in its right place

Life and the world is based in and upon systems and order. One can see systems and the order of life everywhere. The Galaxy and Solar System has its own system and order. The world has systems and order to it on both the macro and micro levels. Life itself is order and has systems down to the smallest of smallest cells has order and there is a system to the order of life. The system and order to life goes from species genus, family, phylum, kingdom, domain and life. Our own bodies are made up of systems to help maintain order and best proficiency, functionality, efficiency and productively involving the cardiovascular systems, respiratory system, immune system, nervous system, skeletal and muscular systems, digestive system, lymphatic system, circulatory system, endocrine system, reproductive system, urinary system and integumentary systems. Each system has a specific job, operation and function as well do the organs and muscles or bones in each of these systems to maintain the body in proper and perfect working order. If any one of these muscles, bones, organs and systems doesn’t perform its specific job, operation or function then the body can not properly function and work smoothly. This is equally true of the animals and other life forms in nature. There is a system to the order in which the seasons follow each other. Furthermore in one’s community, culture and society we all have jobs that need to be done in oder to contribute facilitate the proper and smooth working of one’s community, culture and society. This idea is equally relevant and applicable to our families and us as mommies.
I know for me personally long before starting my journey as a mommy it was, is and always will be immensely, profoundly important and valued beyond measure the idea of order, systems and organization in my life. My need for having order, systems and organization in place is a direct result of my vision and a major coping mechanism or method for compensating and working around my limitations of my vision. I absolutely distain chaos and do not function in it well especially for extended periods. The idea of order, a system to everything and organization have always been my friends and chaos is no friend of mine. If everything has it’s place and everything in it’s right place I know exactly where things and can find them based on memory so much quicker than using my vision to scan or search for the item in question. I mean anything you could possibly think of that can be put in order, have a system to it or organized I have it in order and organized. My wallet has my cards organized alphabetically or how often I use that card. In my home all books, movies, cd and so forth are organized to a tee. My kitchen I have everything in its right and proper place. No living in chaos and having a order, system and organization to my life is a fundamental essential aspect of my life.

The need for complete, total and absolute order, systems and organization and free from chaos absolutely became all the more fundamental and essential after entering into my journey as a mommy then increase that above and beyond any measure now after becoming a mommy of two babies. Most mommies like to have and need some sense of order, a system of doing things and some method of organization but add in my limitations from my impaired vision and I seem to get a triple, quadruple never mind a double dose of this need to make my life work and function for myself, as a mommy for my babies and family. After becoming a mommy and growing our family by one member our baby girl and now by two with the birth of our son and now being a family of four as families grow stuff tends to always grow in accordance to the growth in the family size. Therefore more people more stuff that needs to be keep in order, needs a system to maintain and to organize. Need for order, systems and organization has to do with one other darnedest expression this mommy saids. I’m have no doubt if you were to ask my kids or husband what is one the things your mommy/wife saids the most and they would say that I say that ‘everything has it’s place and everything in it’s right place.” One day I will actually see some dividends on constantly parroting this mommyism. One day the toys will be always put away in the right places. One day everyone’s coats, shoes, jackets, dirty clothes and towels will all be put away, put up or put in the right places either in closets, drawers or the laundry. A mommy can dream right and wish for the simple joys and dreams to come true.

This is a loaded expression in the sense it comes with much value, many reasons for it place and purpose and numerous life lessons can be learned for this mommyism. The goal of everything in its place and everything has a right place is that if done then everything will be put in its place and is put in its right place. In achieving the goal of this mommyism things are orderly, the house is clean, orderly and maintained and mommy feels sane and not frustrated and much happier living in a orderly chaos free home. Moreover my babies learn about order, how to organize, how to properly clean, to maintain, keep up, take care of and responsibly for their stuff. The value of this achieved expression is immense and immeasurable my babies are learning life lessons, I have an orderly, clean and easier maintained home and I am happier, saner, I function better and mange my life, things, my home and family better and more smoother. I truly hope this is achieved at some point or leased worked towards more easily at some point as I journey on as mommy. I girl can dream right.

As a mommy it is most important to me to have order, systems of structure and organization so that I can be focused, centered, balanced and on top of my mommy and life game and ahead of the curve balls. Also in being able to do these things I can be my best self, wife. and mommy for my babies and family. I want to teach and instill in my babies the lessons of life and the tools to be responsible, to be organized and have the ability to manage, carry out and live out their lives in a manner that is the best for them and affords them the best outcome in their journey through life. May I as a mommy always keep the chaos at bay, maintain the order, system and organization of my life. May I as a mommy always have my stuff and life always in its place and always in the right place. May we as mommies continue forward having things and life in their place that is right for us as mommies, our babies and families.


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