My never ending rollercoaster ride of hormones
As a new mommy continuing on my journey of motherhood I kept noticing the new aspects of change that I was experiencing. You would think that all the physical changes and adjustment would be quite enough but oh no lets throw into the mix the new and different emotional changes that I was experiencing. Although nothing major, for me my new emotional changes were in different ways. Also they seemed to be for me the same as if I was PMSing but in this case it was like an never ending wave of somewhat intensified PMSing that took me for a rollercoaster ride of my life. This time was filled with continuous ups and downs, twist and turns and loopy loops. I’m sure it was not much of a panic for my husband either at the time. This new mama has never ever been a fan of rollercoaster rides and especially this one that I was one. I was feeling as if it would never stop and I could never get up this crazy rollercoaster ride of ups and downs and twists and turns. In my hoping to be able to get off this darn ride I was wondering how would I get off, when could I get off and when would this crazy ride would end. I wanted to know would I get back to feeling myself and know what my new normal was going to be like.
I know all journey are unique and different and what I went through is not the same as what other mothers go though. In reality for some women this emotional journey after birth can be way difficult, insane and more than I or most women can imagined or want to. I had nothing that came even close that compared or to complain about. No matter how much, how little or to what degree any all of these changes for any and all mommies is quite the adjustments to mange, work through and balance out as new mommies. I as a mommy who was acclimating herself to this new life and reality of mothering I didn’t know what to expect so I wasn’t sure as to what things would look like, feel or would be after becoming a mommy. While during pregnancy I was sensitive and it would take longer than usual to control my emotions that wasn’t so much the case as a mother. I found my self sensitive about other things and being tossed in a swirling, whirling pool of emotional ups and downs. Whereas before I couldn’t figure out half the time why was I upset or emotional about something because it wasn’t usually something that would bother me. Although as a new young mother I knew why I was sensitive, anxious, worried or stressed and whether it did or didn’t make sense to anyone else or not didn’t matter. All that matter was is that I was new at this, it was important, it mattered to me and had to be the best mommy and figure this all out because I was my baby girls mommy not anyone else.
I remember being upset because I didn’t hear her cry one time while in the living room visiting with my parents and husband while watching tv and I was really upset and felt guilty. If not having just given birth I most likely would have thought nothing of it other than no big deal. I mean that’s happened as my daughter as grown and I don’t even bat an eye or think poorly of myself. I remember worrying and being anxious about everything particularly about nursing and if didn’t go well then the impact on my daughter. As a side note I’m happy to report 6 years later my daughter is very healthy and I only nursed for 3 to 4 weeks. I was stressed about what would be thought if I didn’t or couldn’t nurse and I was tired of feeling guilty or pressured. I was anxious about getting her to sleep in her bassinet and what about this or that regarding maybe bad habits or the issue of family bed although it was only for sweet short intimate while she was in our bed and I treasure that time. There were so many countless things that were contributing to my anxious, nervousness, stress, worry, emotional ups and downs, swirling whirling, twists and turns or loopy loops that influenced how I was feeling about my ability as a new mother. This also was the beginnings of the house of cards of motherhood that I was building. I’ll let you in on a little secret it was actually at this juncture in my journey where I was immennsibley feeling this house of cards of motherhood potentially coming down all around me, oh I’m steady, no i’m falling, I’m falling but with i”m steady oh no I crashed on the floor with all my cards in dissolved pile, which gave the inspiration for this whole idea of writing on motherhood and sharing my journey.
In considering the emotional rollercoaster that comes after giving birth and booming a mommy I think this presents the question as how do we women push through this, make sense of all theses new changes, get back the balance, our bodies, minds, and emotions, and get to our new normal. First let’s acknowledge there is not skipping the rollercoaster ride unfortunately, but there are things we can do to try to ride it out more smoothly or to aid in getting through this emotional afterbirth ride. For me I think having the inspiration and outlet for exploring and examining my own feelings, thoughts and experiences was freeing and help me process and by doing that I could start to even out and find my balance. I think that for others it could be any variety of others things like sleep, when you can, being productive, exercise, walking, bathing (anything to give care to yourself and offer a break), girl time, talking with fellow moms among others. I do think that at times the biological or physical can influence the emotional and so by proxy as the physical changes adjust, settle and balance out it will in turn help the emotional as well. Although I think these others things can help in conjunction with this process of the after birth rollercoaster ride getting balanced out and adjusted. Moreover these skills, habits, or coping mechanism can go a long way and be most helpful or adventitious in aiding us as mommies as we continue all thought out our journey as mothers. There is something to be said for having the freedom to take a sip, breathe, relax and go forward in our journey as mothers.