Affirming moments of achievement and awards in Motherhood
In my journey I have experienced my own highs and lows, the immense joys and intense oh boys, the good, the bad and the ugly and my mommy valley and mountaintop moments and everything in between as I have journeyed along in motherhood. Through these differing moments and experiences I have had to consider much and it has caused me to wonder much about myself as a mommy and my ability in motherhood. I have thought in my mommy valley moments do I really have this or am I doing right by my daughter and family. I have tried to figure out how to gage how am I really doing as a mommy and measuring up in the eyes of my daughter and family. I have discovered a few things along my journey that have been insightful and given me enlightenment as to how to take my sips, breaths, go forward, to rise out of the valley mommy moments and have more mountaintop mommy moments thus how I am faring in the eyes of my daughter and family. For me I have learned that in my mommy valley moments I can take those and turn them into mommy mountaintop moments by learning from them and using them. I also use my mommy mountaintops moments to remind myself of what I have been able to do and have done when I’m in my mommy valley moments.
Another way that has helped me and continues to do so is seeing the little or big moments of success, achievement that is awarding to me as my daughter’s mommy. For me this can be anything that lets me know okay I’ve got this, I’m getting it and doing the right things and have made the right choices. This can be a great report form the my daughter’s dentist or pediatrician. Now that she is school age this can be when she gets good marks on her homework or tests, get a great progress report or report card and an excellent teacher/parent conference. Also it can be seen in the moments when the lessons that we have taught her have been learned and are evident in her behavior, choices and developing character. For our family that can be in her desire for reading the Bible and her devotionals, going to church, saying her prayers and learning about God and Jesus. Also how she acts and treats her friends in being kind, thoughtful, courteous, considerate, generous, gracious, respectful and sharing, giving and caring for her friends. For me I also see this in how she is growing as individual becoming more responsible. Moreover as her mommy when I see her continued practice and hard work paying off in school, Karate and other areas because she was able to learn and accomplish that hard task or she did something she couldn’t do before. Any and all of these things make my mommy heart so happy and overjoyed for her as her mommy.
Another way in which I have found that helps me feel as if I am doing the right things, making the right choices and pointing my daughter in the right direction is something that I have called my parental positives. This idea came to me through my counselor as we were talking about my own struggles as a new mommy and in motherhood. You might be wondering what are parental positives exactly or what it involves. This is something my counselor suggested that I start to do and what she said to do was start to write and make a list of all the things that I did and do as a mommy that I thought were and are good or positive. I at first wasn’t sure how to go about this or what I could put on the list but then she said any and everything no matter how small or big it may be or seem. For my parental positive list I have things like I tell my daughter I love her as often as possible and give her hugs, kisses, hold and snuggle and cuddle her as often as possible even daily as much as possible. Actually I would do these things everyday all day long if I could. I make special time for her and her daddy makes time for special daddy and daughter dates and time as well. In the same vein my husband and I make a priority to have our own special couple time and date nights. I work endlessly to be aware of my choice of words and chose most carefully what I say as a mommy to my daughter. Moreover I say encouraging, affirming and supportive words as often as possible. I let my daughter make her own choices in many areas and ways as possible and she is assigned her own tasks and chores. We do story time and fun family time all together along with saying prayers each night.
Also there are other areas in which I feel I have some parental positives such as watching our choices in diet and having healthy choices in food and limiting sweet, treats and deserts, Although we do try to limit tv and screen time, self admittedly, we watch a lot of tv or have a lot of screen time however where I am strong on is the quality of tv and the educational screen time.We have a set schedule and routine and bed times although more lax on weekends and summer time. I have also used the iPad or videos as rewards for making good choices.
Although when bad choices are made I am careful in how I address those choices and my daughter regarding her behavior and choices and I explain why that was not a good choice and what we need do and how to make better choices in the future. Also at no time is her behavior associated with my love for her and that I will always and forever love her no matter and nothing she could do or say can change that or take that away. Thus in these things I along with my husband have set limits and boundaries for our daughter. Furthermore another big parental positive for me is finding, grabbing and using the invaluable teachable moments to teach my daughter valuable lessons and I look for those whenever and wherever I can find them. Also I try to make sure we have a balanced family life and balance between fun, work, activities and other things. As I mentioned before we pray together, go to church and read the Bible. In me choosing to do these things I am doing another parental positive in that doing these things it is developing and creating good habits, choices and character in my daughter and that is most certainly a positive for me on my list and for our family. These are just what I have chosen to put on my own list as I what I feel I do as a mommy that is positive. What is a positive for me as a mommy may be different from what other mommies consider to be a parental positive for them, their babies and family. Remember if you as a mommy do this there is nothing to small or to big to put on your own list of parental positives.
These things I have listed all together but on my list each one is an individual thing and is listed individually. I have listed all these examples to show and demonstrate how I have found my own parental positives, affirming and awarding mommy moments of achievement to help show that anyone can find their own in so may ways. This may seem like a simple, small or silly thing but in the making of the list and then looking at it as a mommy I have notices it helps me. I think to myself alright maybe I’m not so horrible or haven’t screwed up as much as I thought I had after all and maybe I’m doing alright and things right. The things I listed are all great marks and signs that make my heart happy but also it gives me a sense that my daughter is on the right track and in a good direction and thus I am as a parent and mommy are on the right track and in a good direction in what I’m doing as her mommy. Thus this helps me to know that this is the direction and track I need to stay on as her mommy. Moreover this allows me to go forward in what I have done, have learned and to have confidence in my ability that will help me create more mommy mountaintop moments and build a steady, strong and confident foundation of my house of cards of motherhood for me, my daughter and my family. May we as mommies always find ways to know are abilities as mommies of our babies, find our way in our own journey, have more mommy mountaintop moments and journey on in strength and confidence for ourselves, babies and families.