The difference between they can’t or they won’t
In the journey of life there are situations and questions that call upon us to be addressed and answered and the responses to be given to the calls of life will either be yes or no. If the given response is no the reason for this response falls into one of two thoughts of either ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’. The distinction being made here between the two throughs for the answer of No may seem to be one of a most fine line, splitting hairs or of little consequence. The world of difference between ‘No I can’t’ and ‘No I won’t’ can only be understand through the defining of the distinction being made. The idea of the reason for no being ‘can’t’ is defend as not
having the ability, capability, power or skill to do something or the opposite of I can do it. In contrast to this the idea of the reason for no being ‘won’t’ is defined as
the idea and expression of someone choosing not do something of their own free will and thus deciding by free will to answer no to said question or situation. This may seem simple and elementary or simple difference in meaning or definition but in the journey of life this is a most profound, powerful and influential distinction to be made. I must wonder in motherhood as in life how important and significant the difference is between ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’
I can’t begin to know or count how many numerous and countless times over the last six years and beyond as my journey through motherhood will continue that I have and will hear, I’m quite sure, ‘mommy No I Can’t or I won’t’. This is another example of I would be millionaire or billionaire if had a dime for every time I heard these words especially with my daughter. It seems like when I ask my babies to do something when the answer is no its always, always followed with either these reasons of can’t or won’t. Mommy I can’t tie my shoes, do my buttons, open this, fix this, make my bed, clean my room, do my writing, my math facts, my homework and any other number of countless things just fill in the blank of what they can’t do. As far as the ‘I won’t’ mommy list goes like no I won’t eat that, I won’t eat my supper, I won’t put my coat or shoes or I won’t go or leave. I won’t stop what I’m doing. I won’t listen or do what you ask. The list for either of these could go on and on. It’s interesting because most times the words may not actually be expressed, expect for I can’t by my daughter, but I can always tell by their reactions either through expression of their words, tones, facial expression or action which is the reason is behind their No. I feel for me as their mommy and my babies there is importance in knowing and understanding the difference in the reason for their No.
It is in and through my understanding the difference and distinction between the reason of I can’t or I won’t for my babies ‘No’I can know and help guide my babies and teach the important life lessons for their journey ahead. In the case of my babies saying No because of I can’t I can determine if they really can’t thus needing help and if so I’m presented with a teachable moment chance to help, guide and teach my babies. Although I personally do not like the words ‘I can’t’ and think these words do no one any favors. In our house we don’t say ‘I can’t’ we say never ever quite or give up and keep trying and practice makes perfect. In my life I never let ‘I can’t’ stop me or get in my way, well maybe with math, for if I had I would have never done all that I have done or hope to do as I journey on through my life. I would have never completed and graduated form hight school, college, graduate school with honors and published my first book. Most of all I would never dreamed of being able to be a mommy of my two sweet, precious and beautiful babies since I am and always will be disabled and legally blind. It is in these moments of ‘I can’t’ that I’m given the teaching moment to teach the life lessons of being strong, determined, tenacious, confident, independent, brave, courageous and always journeying on in endurance and preservance.
In the case of the reason for No being ‘I won’t’ this provide opportunities to teach how to use tools and important life lessons. In this case of ‘I won’t’ I have found it to be a matter of not wanting to do something, not wanting to obey, a matter of respect and or making the right and good choice. In theses messy moments of motherhood I must be able to recognize the teaching opportunities I have been given and use it to create the teaching of a life lesson that come from the word No although absolutely in most cases much easier said then done. In this messy moment of No it could be an issue of needing to learn about respecting mommy and daddy or others and that’s not how we act, speak or react. True it may be for a good reason and understandable reason but in the expression of our emotions that doesn’t give us the right to act and react however we please or in any way or manner that we choose. If in a messy moment of No is a concern of obedience or disobedience this provides the chance to learn that mommy and daddy say and do things for a reason because we love our babies and want to keep them safe and protected. When rules are not followed and parent aren’t listened to it’s often when harm occurs and our babies find themselves in harms way and in danger. Another issue in these messy monuments could be about the life lessons of in life we can’t always get want we or our own way and life isn’t fair, and a life lesson of how to be or show thoughtfulness, kindness, sharing, caring, respect among many other immensely invaluable life lessons.
I find it most curious the meanings and differences between ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’ and moreover how much of a fundamentally profound and significant influence the meanings and differences have in life, in one’s journey, with as mommies and our babies. Imagine how much we could help and teach our babies once knowing and understanding the reasons for the No. Furthermore imagine what life would be like and how much difference there would be in life, one’s journey and the world if we didn’t use words like ‘No I can’t’ and choose not to let the word of ‘No I won’t’ get our in way or babies ways. How much more could be learned, discovered, achieved, and dreams realized and reached because nothing was in the way of doing so. How much potential would be reached, unlocked and turned into realities. How more would the world know, discovered and have accomplished if the ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’ were not there to be a road block in the path of the potential of people. In understanding the reason for the answer No I can help, guide, teach my babies and let them discover and learn that they can achieve and conquer anything when the words of ‘No I can’t’ and ‘No I won’t’ aren’t standing in their path. May I as their mommy always, always seek to understand the reason for the word of No and thus seek and make the most of the teaching moments that come form ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’. May we as mommies strive to be understanding to guide and teach and show our babies the power and influence of ‘Yes I Can’ and ‘Yes I will’ as they journey on in their lives with strength, confidence and courage.