When I first started my journey as a new mommy after the birth of my daughter I had the realization of all the newness in my new world and reality as a mommy. I realized all I had to learn, discover and experience and adjust too. I wondered how would I ever adjust and accumulate to my new world, reality and all these changes. I wondered what could I use or do to help in this transition and adjustment phase. Since I have turned a new page and started a new chapter as I continue in my journey as mother following the birth of my son and becoming a mommy of two precious sweet babies my questions, although of similar nature, have taken on a new context and relevance. Now I find myself asking not questions about the shock of the new reality of motherhood so much any more. I’ve been there done that and the sensation of the newness has worn off. For me basics of motherhood haven’t change its just changed in the amount of the aspects of motherhood. Now my questions are how do I do what I do for two now as a mommy. How do I juggle the double douse of motherhood. How do I find balance in a even more chaotic and crazy but most amazing and incredible journey. How do I find the time to take my two sips, two breaths, my snacks, sleeps, soaks, sit, relax and put my feet up with double the work, double the length of list do to and in half the time I had before. These new questions still beg the question to be asked were is my expanded and extended 2nd edition instruction manual for my new chapter in journey as a mommy of being a mommy of two babies. I’m thinking at this point the expanded and extended edition better have a map that provides much advanced or extensive directions to guide me though my journey of motherhood with my two babies. I hope with this new road map I am given expanded instructions and guidance filled with increased knowledge, advice, wisdom and answers for this new adventure for my journey through motherhood.
Even more so now then ever before one would think that the most profoundly significant journey of a lifetime would come with a manual giving now double dose of instructions or a map with the directions and guidance filled with advice, wisdom and answers. I mean since everything else in this life comes with instructions like how to assembly and or operate a car, drive a car, how to hook up and operate just about any electronic such as computer, an internet network, printer, tv, dvd, cd, gps, microwave, washer/dryer, speakers and any other appliances. The funny thing is that all of this that come with instruction manual are just replaceable objects not a living breathing precious, priceless life. Never mind the fact here’s the irony of becoming a parent as we prepare for our baby’s arrival we are given manuals for instruction on everything to include the crib, bassinet, rocker/glider, highchair, stroller, carseat, pack and play, changing table, baby swings, baby monitors and every other baby gadgets, toy and necessity and anything else we could possibly need for get ready to be mommies just not how to be a mommy. Even more to the point I figured out most of this stuff the first time around the motherhood block but now that I’m going for round two there seems to be even less as to how to proceed forward as a mommy of two babies. That’s quite the deal don’t you think and figure that one. If any of you ladies out there come up with answer please feel free to let me know what it is.
Thus as I started out in my new chapter in my journey as a mommy of two babies I’m even more sad to report that I of course as all mothers are left on their own with NO expanded and extended 2nd edition instruction manual. In being aware of this realization for the second time, despite my wishes, of there being no extended or expanded easy peasy, handy dandy instruction manual for my second time around this thing they call motherhood for me to depend upon. Following my moment of much annoyance, irritation and aggravation I thought I might be in double trouble in a hurry. I especially felt this way when I was working on my thesis with a 4 month old who didn’t sleep through the night yet and a three year old. Then I asked how do I figure this all out and in figuring this all out what can I rely on to help in figuring this all out and me on my in my new chapter of being a mommy and trying to become a most experienced and expert mommy of two babies. Thus far in the second part of my six year journey I have figured out a bunch of new stuff and I’m still working on figuring out the rest but in the midst of all this figuring I have seen that there numerous things I used and can use as a mommy to figure out this thing of motherhood in the absence of an essay peasy, handy dandy extended or expanded 2nd edition manual.
This is what I have figured out and done on my own journey and maybe these ideas could work for you, for your own solutions and journey as a mommy. It is true that there are parenting and motherhood books that speak to the issues you are wondering about and seeking answer for as well as online research. In same vein there are several other places where answers and research can be found doctors offices, hospitals and so forth. A second source for resources for us mothers can be either on its own or in conjunction with another potential resource is a group support setting whether it be a mom’s, parent’s, parenting support group or even just a circle of moms who come to gather as new moms after giving birth and play groups. I know personally this has been missing in my own journey as mother for various reasons as a formal organized group setting but what I had do was sort like my own version which has developed (which often times in my life I have to do) was as my daughter started getting playmates that came over I would start to get to know the mom. In another instance my friend become a mom and as our kids got older we had more opportunities for play dates and get together. Although for me in my own journey one of the biggest and most invaluable solution and resources for gaining instruction and figuring out this thing of motherhood is absolutely without a doubt my girl time with my girlfriends. This is for a few reasons one it gives me a break and a time of replenishing and rejuvenation but also I can have adult, uninterrupted conversation, talk with my girlfriends who are also moms and doing this thing we call motherhood together by taking sips, breathing, going and to talk it through with each other.
Although I would not for anything want to go with the invaluable sources of help through my girl time and the friendship of fellow mommies an additional and excellent potential solution or way of finding instruction, direction, guidance and wisdom is through our own mothers and relying on the good, positives and wisdom that we were taught as children, gained from our families and from our own background. More importantly and above all of these, for me, the absolute best and most invaluable and no better other source of support, wisdom and counsel can come from your partner/spouse the person who is the father of your child or children. Mothering and parenting goes profoundly better, smoother and easier when done in conjunction with the other parent. This is good for the mom/dad parenting together and for the child in question who is being parented. I personally always first and foremost go to my husband as he is the father of our daughter and son. We as mothers and fathers must be on the same page as a team. I totally understand that in reality this is not always available or possible for various reasoning. Thus this makes the other sources of help and support even more immensely invaluable for our fellow mommies who are single mothers and have to go much of their journey through motherhood alone carrying double and most of if on all of the load of motherhood on their shoulders on their own making the already most challenging, difficult and hard journey a woman can travel in life doubly for them.
In all of my striving to figure out motherhood and being a mommy I have discovered two more realizations as to what the answer is for us as mothers not been given an instruction manual. First I realized that at this point in my journey I have discovered that the experts don’t know as much as they think they do or what is best for it is I and I alone ,the mommy of my babies, know best better than anyone else and are the ultimate expert on my children and family. Secondly I realized the answer is simple there isn’t one because if there was one it couldn’t fit the needs of every child, every mother and every family and all their needs. There is no such thing as one size fits all. Each child, mother and family are all different, unique and special and have their own make up. The truth of these new realizations have booms even more evident once becoming a mother of two very different, special and unique babies. Thus as mommies we each experience our own individual, special and unique journey with our individual children. Thus my journey will be different and vary from other mothers as much as their’s will from mine. For instance due to my visual impairment that creates a very different and unique set of circumstances for me, my journey as a mommy and for my family and for me there isn’t much anyone can speak to the instructions for me as mother or how it is to be a mother with such different and unique circumstances. It is impossible to have a manual that would be the perfect fit or instruction for every child, mother and family. What seems harder in the end is better and the best way because this makes that we all have to find our own way, make our own discovers and journey on our own with our children and family making our own way that is the best way for each of our individual children, families and for ourselves as individual mothers. May we always strive to journey on making our own way, making our own discoveries and taking sips, breathing and enjoying our own unique special journey in motherhood.