I am on the island of isolation and going insane
One of my greatest love and passions in life is my love of my music always has been and always will be. I know that if anyone ever said you have to live on an island the rest of you life and you can only choose one thing tv or music I will every time absolutely hands down choose music because I can’t not live without my music. In my most diversified, varied and eclectic range in music one of the greatest, in my humble music opinion, and my all time favorite is Simon and Garfunkel and one of the greatest songs they created is a song entitled “I’m a rock’ written by Paul Simon. In Paul Simon’s Song a part of the lyrics goes as follows.
“A winter’s day
In a deep and dark
I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island
I’ve built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate”
I have often throughout my life have related to all of the lyrics of this song for my own various reasons. Although as I have grown up and journeyed on through my life these words in some respects and ways seem just as equally true and revenant today as they did when I was younger. In starting my journey through motherhood these lyrics seem to echo and resound just much as in other areas or times in my life. I think as mommies we can at times definitely feel and experience feelings as we are on the island of isolation and might lead to our potential insanity. I know for me at least I have most assuredly had moments of feeling isolated and being on this island of isolation will cause my insanity in my motherhood.
In my own journey through motherhood over the last six years some of the reasons for my feelings of potential insanity induced by isolation are mostly similar and normal to the life in the day of motherhood as most moms can relate to and identify with. Such as when you are with two children all the time the only conversation you have is with kids with no or minimum adult interaction or conversation. Even more so that my daughter is in school and I spend most of my days are my 3 year old toddler son. Also most of my days are spend watching toddler age tv. Another way that I felt and feel this isolation is being at home doing stuff with kids and having no one to talk to interact with. The result being I am left with much time for me to think and resort to staying in my head most of the time. This can be most scary for in my head it can get to be a pretty crazy place and at times scary with the constant flows of thoughts. I feel theses aspects of motherhood are experienced more by stay at home moms or at least on a more extensive basis. Another aspect, without stating the obvious, that adds to feeling as if being on Isolation Island is being staying at home as stay at home moms are often staying at home. This brings a whole new definition to the idea, feeling and expression of cabin fever or in this case stranded on isolation island. No matter how much I love being a mommy, my job as a mommy and my precious sweet babies with all my heart that doesn’t mean or negative the sensation and experience of being stranded on this island of isolation and risking insanity in life in a day in my motherhood.
In addition to the just the normal run of the mill stuff in motherhood that can make any mommy feel as is she is going insane or is isolated I have a whole different types of things that have added to, increased or enhanced these feelings of isolation for me as a mommy. In my journey as a mommy I have had to contend and deal with the extra issue of my disability and limitations of my visual impairment/legal blindness. As a result of this life scenario of mine It has manifested itself in my journey as a mommy and been the reason for most of the increase and enhanced feeling of isolation. I can’t and never will be able to drive so I can’t go or do anything involving transportation without help or people willing to come and get me and take me places. Thus as a stay at home mom who would normally go out do normal mommy/wife/household things that stay at home moms do I can’t. Also a great outlet for mommies are pay groups or dates, mommy groups or friends. These aren’t really options for I can’t get out and people have to be willing to come over and living far away from just about all my friends it has been challenging and very trying for me. Moreover unless I go out with my husband and family I don’t leave the house. Moreover the inability to drive affects my options for work or employment opportunity which in turns effects other aspects of my family and home life.
Furthermore just the whole dynamic of my disability in and of itself has added a whole feeling and sensation of isolation in my motherhood because as in my life what I have had to contend or deal with my whole life is not like most everyone else and even more so in my journey as a mother. My disability is all encompassing and engulfing every aspect of my life and thus as well in my journey as a mommy. Most mommies don’t have do deal with all that so it’s not common to have a fellow mommy friend to talk to about how a disability influences, impacts and affects you and your journey as a mommy. Although I have been fortunate to eventually establish some connections and friendships that I value and treasure more than I could ever say and that has helped a great deal but it is still an immense challenge. Outside of my vision issues another factor that contributes to being stranded on my mommy island of isolation is living 26 hours away from all my family, friends and any real support system. Friends, family and support systems are so essential and imperiative to mommies, parents and families. This is even more so for me because to have that extra support system would be most helpful and would alleviate a great deal of the issues that come with my disability. All of theses challenges have made the feeling and sensation of being stranded on my island of isolation a most frequent reality for me as I go forward in my journey.
In my contining journeying for six years as a mommy I have discovered, at least for me, some things that can help fight against, combat and I guess vaccinate against the feeling of being stranded on the island of isolation and risking my sanity as a mommy. One of the key factors for me is in ensuring I get my MeO’clock time and for me to take double shot of sips and breaths and to sit, snack, sleep, soak and relax so I can find and keep my balance and sanity in this journey of motherhood. Equally important, imperative, invaluably helpful and essential for me as a mommy is my time with my friends. I think that the reason this is so important to me as a mommy is because of my own life circumstances directly related to my vision and disability. I feel that for me many times in journey as a mommy my girl time and friendships have been a lifeline extended to me to keep me balanced and sane as a mommy. Moreover it has been in and through these friendships that I was given a way and life boat to take me off my mommy island of isolation. I in my journey as a mommy must always take moments for my MeO’clock time for taking my double shot of sips and breaths, snacks, sleeps, soaks rest and relaxation. I must strive to find moments for my girl time and my girl friends to give and have the life lines of keeping the balance and sanity and the lifeboats of the mommy island of isolation that we all need in this journey through motherhood. In doing theses things we can all continue forward with enjoying the beach with our besties sharing in and journeying together through this thing we call motherhood and not stuck out there on the island of isolation. It is though this we can be the best version of ourselves and mommies for ourselves, babies and families.