In our society and culture there is such an intense emphases and immense focus put on measuring up and in accordance to the experts, their standards and these standards that are expected of us as members of society and culture. Judgement of us as individuals, who we are, what we do, how we perform is so evidently based on these predetermined standards of measurement. The opinion and judgement by others of us as individuals is equally evident that if we don’t measure up to these standards or expectations that are imposed and forced then we as individuals are less than others, not sufficient, not enough or adequate. This is seen in all ares of life and is felt by all people in all walks and positions of life I know for me personally I have truly most deeply and profoundly struggled with these things most of my life if not all of it as a direct result of my visual impairment and disability. Then as I became a mommy and entered into motherhood I found myself feeling and experiencing this as well as a mommy and through my journey of motherhood whether perceived from others or absolutely and completely all self imposed.This has been the case if not more so and continued as I have journeyed forward in motherhood becoming a mother of two babies. Feeling as if constantly in the seat of judgment or scrutiny is not what I signed up or asked for in choosing to becoming a mother.
This idea and reality of perceived, feeling and or being judged constantly seems to be prevalent and rampant in the life in the day and world of mothers and in motherhood. It can be found everywhere and in any and every little thing or aspect of motherhood and being a mommy. As a mother if you children are not on schedule or on track with his or her progress, growth, development then what is the mother of said child not doing or doing wrong. A big one for today mothers is the issue of potty training and everyone seems to be hung up on it as to we have to potty train our kids by a certain age. Another area that seems to bring judgement is in our children’s behavior and when they act out. As a mother you can see or hear the implicit or explicit messages, wishers and voices of what is the problem, what is wrong with her kid/kids, why does she let her kid/kids do that or act like and what is wrong with her as a mother to abide in behavior. If I was her I would never do fill in the blank. Will I can you ladies those voices of judgment don’t know anything about you, your baby/babies or family so they have no clue and don’t As a mommies we feel judged on whether we work or stay at home do day care or don’t. As our babies get older its does he or she go to the right schools, programs and activities or if they are not reading and doing school stuff by a certain right age. There are just countless and endless ways and areas that seem to come with judgement in motherhood in our life and our days of motherhood.
There is an expression that states judge not lest you be judged meaning that one should be careful as to how and by what they may judge another individual for they themselves may be judged by others. Mothers have the hardest and best job that anybody could ever have, ask for and dream of. Thereofore motherhood should not be the constant place of judgment. For we all are in this together trying to become experts as mommies, journey as mommies with our babies hand in hand and do our utmost and very best for our babies and families. We are all different, special and unique with all our own different and unique needs and circumstances in life and this is just as true in motherhood with our babies and families. From my point of view I can’t judge another mother or family anymore then she or they can judge me or my family. Moreover until someone has done what I have done, been where I have been and walked where I have walked then they can’t understand, know and sit in the seat of judgement presuming to judge me on what I have done or not done as a person, mommy and for my babies and family. Should such presumption be done or imposed on any mother and family the judgers beware should they befall judgement of themselves or their own families and life. People would be wise to reserve judgment of others and our fellow sisters in motherhood and their families we are not experts in their babies and families any more than they are an expert when concerns our own babies, families and life circumstances.
In my writing of these articles or chapters I did this to share my own experiences, journey of mommy valley and mountaintop moments, my own struggles in and through motherhood, this process of going from a virgin in motherhood to my own expertise and taking those sips, breathes, breaks, snacks, soaks and sleeps. This is a place of freedom, a space to express and go and a place absolutely free from all judgment or condemnation and not be judge according to everyone’s else or the experts’ imposed or forced passed judgment. I wish not to be judged or to judge any other mothers, their families or situations. One is never fully aware of what another maybe going through, struggling with and life circumstances is like despite the outward cover of appearances. Just as in life is also in motherhood when one presumes and assumes the person usually ends up looking as if he or she was a donkey’s backend. Furthermore I have always thought, maybe largely to my own extra set of extenuating circumstances, that there is always two sides to every story and that its best to try to have an understanding that there might be a reason for why someone has to do, chose or not chose to do something or not in a certain way. How or why something maybe is for someone else isn’t for me to presume and assume that I know what is best in everyone else own life and circumstances other then my own. May I as a mommy be reserved in my passing of judgment of others, their circumstances and lives. I wish not be judged so I should not judged. May we all as mothers all strive to be supportive and encouraging of our fellow sister mothers who are just simply trying their best, going through motherhood and journey on with their babies and families and building their own house of cards of their own motherhood just as we all are journeying on and through motherhood.