In this world and life there is this idea of the need for measuring and quantifying everything and everyone in any and everything of life. In school you must get 93 or 95 and above to make all A’s, you must be on the honor roll, make national honor society, the dean’s list, the president’s list and graduate with honors. You must get into the right school and the right fellowships and so forth. In one’s career they want to get on with the right company or firm, or hospital. We desire to live in the right area and neighborhood and have the right car, house, boat, membership to the clubs and things that meet up to the Jone’s in society. There seems to be this immeasurable amount of pressure on us as individuals and as a culture or society to measure up. In becoming a mommy of two precious babies I have seen the reality and how this is equally prevalent in being a mommy or parent, in motherhood and raising my babies.
Since 2010 and in the last six years and counting I have seen evidence of this reality in so many ways as how we are expected to raise our kids. In having babies it’s interesting from a sociological perspective and as a comparison and contrast to see what track kids are put on and the expectations of them compared to maybe when I or we were kids. There are numerous instances of this being a major aspect of being a mommy. A big one for me right now, a part of the toddler years in motherhood currently in today’s society and culture it the idea of potty training and it being done by a certain point or if not it’s as if you are a parenting or mommy leopard and no one what’s to have nothing to do with your child. If not potty trained then they can’t take part in anything and are not allowed anywhere. Since when did this become such an issue in our culture and society where it is almost as if to be unacceptable to the point you can feel as a mommy as if you have been cast out and have been given a PT written in scarlet up on you as a mommy. Moreover I personally don’t get it because there is nothing gained in saying my child got potty trained by this certain age, time, and was potty trained first. Do we think this is going to give our children an advantage over other children when grown and trying to get into that college, the right fellowship, get that high paying job and that anyone can tell who and when they were potty trained or that they will care. There is no race to the finish line of achieving success on the porcelain seat or throne of the toddler years.
I also saw this with my son, even though is commonly accepted and common knowledge boys lag or are slower in language skills or development generally speaking, when he was about 14 or 16 months old the doctors had potential concerns over his speech, language and vocabulary development because he wasn’t on schedule or on parr with where he was was suppose to be at his age. I’m not saying one should not pay attention to earmarks, bench marks, or potential indications of an issue. Although what I am saying is that in our society and culture we get so tied up around the axial of we have to be on schedule, we have to measure up, we have to keep up with the cultural and societal expectations of the Jones and experts that we loos sight of we are each on our journey and need to find our own way. As a mommy I don’t want to loose sight of the fact that each of my babies are their own special, unique different individual with their own style, personality, character, talents and gifts who are on their own individual journey through life. I know my babies better than any one else. I believe we need to let kids be kids and let them develop, learn, grow and discover their own way and in their own time. As far as my son, as many of girlfriends sons did, it was near or right on his second birthday it was like a switch got flipped and he just took off and that everything he had been hearing and learning that was inside of him was released and he hasn’t stopped since, You couldn’t stop him if you tried. He grew and developed in his own time and at his own pace. He also tends to do things a little bit behind where his sister did them but then again he also seems to learn and get them more easily or more quickly.
A third area where there seems to be a major push for this is the school system and in education in our nation today. When my daughter was in kindergarten last year she was already having to do timed addition math facts and was expected to complete 10 problems in two minutes. Also she was expected to know I think like 50 sight words by the end of the school year and was expected to be reading on a certain reading level of like E or F. I don’t know about you ladies and when we were growing up but I don’t remember having to do all this in Kindergarten and never mind what she is doing in first grade this year. I know for a fact that I didn’t do math fact time tables until third grade. Moreover I don’t remember having to do or been given testing or standardize testing until at least 2nd grade maybe even 3rd or 4th. Why as a society and culture are we in such a rush and furthermore do we feel the need to rush our babies and always having them competing in a race that required them to rush to the finish line to measuring up to some insane expectations. In all these areas if our babies don’t measure up or meet expectations we as mommies seem to be given a cultural and societal implicit or explicit scarlet letter that is imposed up on us
In becoming a mommy I have also found this to be equally true of mothers of how we are measured, quantified and expected to measure up in raising our babies. In society there is this crazy ridiculous pace and expectations that is put onto our children and then in turn we also have to meet this insanity of immeasurable expectations. We are given a mark that lets the world know we are bad mommies or our kids are problem children or that we are behind the power curve or that we can’t cut it and what is our problem. In all of this race to achieve and compete to complete what are we trying to prove and accomplish and to what end or purpose. In observing, learning and experiencing this I have to ask a question is this case to simply say I or we or my child is the best isn’t there more to life then just being the best. What is really learned in just racing to be the best. There is so much more to life and learning, growing, and discovering on one’s own life journey. Why should we as mommies and our babies been punished or given the scarlet letter of whatever just because we don’t grow, learn, discover, compete and finish along with everyone else. Why can’t we all have space, freedom and time to learn, grow, discover and journey along this journey of life in our own unique, different and special way. Also why can’t we give and afford our babies the equal chance to have the same space, freedom and time to achieve their own learning, growing, discovery as they journey their own journey in their own special, unique and different way.
In my own journey as mommy and I as continue to journey forward i desire not to remain and keep myself, my babies and my family on the the wheel or in this crazy, insane, ridiculous societal and cultural rat race. I desire not to be labeled, seen or measured by societal and cultural imposed expectations. I choose to set my own expectations and standards of measuring for me, my babies and my family. I wish for me to journey forward in my own unique, special and different journey with the freedom, time and space to learn, grow and discover as I see fit for my own life journey. This is equally my hope, wish and desire for my sweet precious babies and family. May I as a mommy always allow myself and give myself the space, time and freedom to grow and learn as a mommy. May I never loose sight of giving my babies the same freedom, space and time to journeying on in their own special, unique and different way to learn, grow and discover. May I never loose sight of my voice as the ultimate expert of my babies and family by in giving into the insane, ridiculous and crazy chorus of social and cultural voice of expectations and measurements. May we as mommies also choose to let us, our babies and our family be judged and measured by and held to the expectations that we choose for ourselves, our babies and families and only give credence to what we deem worthy to be measured by in own own journey as mommies.