Just as there are certain expressions that are widely used in culture an society there seem to be equally just as many not used and as if they almost taboo. Taboo as if people are almost afraid to use or say certain things, sayings or expressions. Maybe because of the meaning or implication they think a certain saying may have. Arguably maybe because fear of labeling and what that label may mean. Also it could be fear of offending others. Whatever the reason is for fear of using what is perceived or considered taboo or an off limits expression it has always been very curios to me as to why a particular sayings or expressions are shunned or viewed is incorrect whether incorrect racially, politically, culturally, or other wise. There seems to be certain sayings that are deemed parentally incorrect or taboo for mothers/fathers or parents to use in their parenting with their children. The common two parental expressions that moms and dads in recent generations of parents have avoided more times then not as it they were the parental plague are “because I said so” and ‘because I told you to”
I have to wonder why, how and at what point have these perfectly good, right and reasonable parental expressions have become regarded as being the parental plague, tainted, need to be avoided or shunned and maybe only used as a absolute last resort if event then. To come to an answer to this question one must examine the potential why and understand such reasoning. A reason could be that goes to both of these expressions are tied to the word no and there seems to be a fear for some surrounding the word no. I have never understood why there is so much anxiety or fear of this simple yet so profoundly powerful word ‘No’. There is much power in the word no. The word no is believed to be constraining, restraining and limits one but in reality it is a word that provides and grants freedom and safety. It is by saying the word ‘No’ we keep and maintain our power, freedom and control. In communicating no we are giving ourselves the freedom to keep our boundaries and maintaining the lines and the rules. In doing this we remain free and fearless. In using this word we are teaching our babies about respect, assertion of oneself, respect for the rules, limits and boundaries in life. It is through the saying no we are free and limitless.
Another reason for one’s aversions to this word is that one wishes not to upset or displease their child or others. In this reason for being unwilling to say no is very much robbing one of his or her freedom and constraints and limits them. For its in saying yes to everything and everyone we burnout teach people how to treat us badly and our children the wrong lessons in life. Another lesson of life that would free us and help us to use the word no is that we can’t please everyone all the time. Thus you might as well be free to use the word no and if saying it to your babies you have kept yourself free form the chains of not saying no and will be well on your way to winning your parenthood or motherhood war. Thirdly often times it’s common for parents wanting to be their child’s friend and not the parent. Well I hate to burst your mommy bubble we as mommies aren’t here to be our babies friends but their mommies. Being a friend our babies is not helping anyone at all in the least bit. The best way to ensure that you can be a friend your grown adult child at the right and appropriate age is to be the parent now.
A final reasons of there being issue with parents using the word ‘no’ or the expression ‘I told you to” or ‘because I said so’ is that it goes the heart of an inherent parental debate between we much explain everything to our children so they learn, understand and we can teach or any other number of reasons or no and that the bottom line is that what I say goes because I’m the parent.. There is belief that we as parents must explain everything to our children for the purposes of understanding, learning, teaching, relating on their level or whatever reason. Then there is the belief of I’m the mom or dad and what I or we says goes and it’s our way or the highway. Before continuing a bit of disclaimer in being mom for parents there is a time and place for everything in parenting and how we parent our babies at one age, stage and phase will change with each new age, stage and phase as our babies grow. Also I do believe that when appropriate or the situation calls or allows for then take the time to explain things to our babies. However on the other hand there are going to be times then situation doesn’t call for it or allow for it and the bottom line is and it calls for ‘do as you are told’, ‘because I said so’, ‘because I told you to’ and ‘the answer is no’.Our babies must learn and know when that times comes that’s it and the end of it at the end of the day.
There are inherent problems with any of these stated reasons for the parental aversion to using the word ‘no’, ‘I told you to’ and ‘because I said so’ which touches the heart of this debate. We as parents have forgotten a few fundamentally key factors in parenthood or motherhood and being parents or mommies that were once understood and used in our culture and nation. We as mommies and daddies we are the adults and our babies are our children and have no say or voice in matters. Our children must always know who is the adult and who is the child. Furthermore growing up as a child is not a democracy. When my babies can get a job, pay their way and bills and can fight for our nation and vote as a member of “We the People” then and only then do my babies get to enjoy the rights, freedoms, liberties and privileges that come from being and living as a member of a democracy. Thus until said time or age it is up to us as the mommies and daddies to use and say the answers of ‘no’, ‘because I said so’ and ‘because I told you to’.
Finally there is an old adage use by past generations of parents ‘children should be seen not herd’ to mean this means yes as my children you are here, we listen to you, we love and care for you but you have no say in the adult matters at hand. The lessons of life that can be learned form these parentally correct expressions of ‘no’, ‘because I said so’ and ‘because I told you to’ teaches our babes most immensely.
immeasurably and profoundly valuable lessons of life that will serve them well on their journey through life.
We as mommies must realize that the goal of motherhood or parenthood is to win the war of parenthood and motherhood not just the battles in motherhood. Yes there are battles to be won and we must pick our battles in motherhood and have the wisdom to know which ones to pick. Although in picking our battles we must not sacrifice the end goal of wining the war of motherhood. The goal of the war of motherhood and parenthood is to be able to raise our babies to become grown adults who are alive, healthy, respectful, good, virtuous, happy, productive citizens in society. If we focus only on the battles at hand we might loose the war battle by battle. The word no, I told you to or Because I said so is not our enemy as mommies and parents but our best weapon. It is in using these words our babies learn the lessons of life, learn the rules, the boundaries, the lines and learn respect them. Embrace these parental correct sayings, no, I told you to, and Because I said so. In my journey as a mommy may I always strive to teach my babies these lessons of life. May I learn and have wisdom to know when to and which battles to pick as a mommy. May I always use the fundamentally essentials weapons to fight the war of my motherhood. May I always work toward winning the war of motherhood for the sake of my babies and their own journey through life. May we as mommies never fear these expressions of freedom of ‘no’, ‘because I said so’ and ‘because I told you to’ but embrace them as we journey forward fighting and winning our wars of our motherhood for ourselves, our babies and our families.