Questions of without answers, questions of uncertainty and without clarity, questions of complex nature are swirling and whirling and come to mind in this moment as I sit here staring at this clean, blank new canvas as if it is a page beggiging the writer what will you write upon me. I hold my brush asking where to begin and how should I begin. I wonder what should be done, what shall I design or what should be portrayed on this canvas that sits before me waiting to be covered and filled with my own mural. As words strung together create the sentences that create the paragraphs that create the page that create the chapters of the story to be told of one’s life so will each stroke this brush illustrate the picture I’m now designing as I journey forward.
In my contemplation of the work of art I’m striving to create I wonder with every stroke what will be created from the compilation and composition of all the strokes use to create my picture by my own design. I must wonder what if my stroke is wrong, what if my strokes are made in the wrong direction, what if the stroke of my brush is to bold, to broad, to narrow, to swift, to labored how will this influence the picture I wish to create and portray. What will come of from the strokes of my brush that are to blended, to even, not meshed well, not blended enough. How will my own design appear if the strokes are to textured or not textured enough. I stop and consider what if my own work of art is not as it should be or expected to be as has been demonstrated before me. If my own mural is found to not be as it should what does the mean or say.
In continuing work on my work of art and seeing my art taking shape form and out of each swirling, whirling and twirling sweeping turn and stroke of the brush the answers to my questions become clear, simple, and certain. In life even in moments, times or seasons of uncertainty, complexity, lacking clarity and when amidst complete wreckage and brokenness and not knowing how to mend or how could there ever be beauty out of this sea of ashes I saw with every stroke of my brush how it was creating a work of art even though on the clear, clean and new blank canvas it was unclear as to how a work of art could ever be illustrated or created. It was in and through starting the process of just sampling moving the brush across the canvas with each stroke that ever slowly but surely the work of art I was striving to create was gradually coming clear and into focus and coming together. Yes strokes were made, then not made and then made again. I made and will make clean and then messy strokes. I may move my brush imperfectly and imprecisely with wide, bushy, spotty, splotchy, drippy to hard not soft, swift and then dragging movement of the bristles of my brush on my canvas. Strokes were made filled with precision and colors of great ease, strength, confidence and assurance but equally strokes were taken with much hesitation, fear, worry, anxiousness concern for what if I’m not doing this right what I’m creating wrong strokes to end up with portrait that is filled with chaotic, wrong or ugly colors of destruction, sadness or bitterness. What in my making of my strokes they are made imperfectly. Then as I continued to make each stroke I could see how which each and every stroke I was creating the same portrait but yet created uniquely to my own design, style and likening and it was my own colorful design.
We may not choose our own type of canvas or the materials of the canvas which we are given but as the artist of our own mural we can choose the colors, style, techniques in which we choose to create our own design of our mural. There is no master plan to create what we design on the canvas in which we were given for we all are given different canvas and materials to create to convey our own mural. It is in the process of creating that the beauty that is to beheld is found by us. I hold my own brush, I determine the strokes which I chose to make across my own blank canvas and choose to design the mural of my own creation. May I learn to to free in strokes I make. May I learn to embrace the process through which I can be free to create my own beautifully colorful mural. AIt is up to us to seek, find and see the beauty created for it is we and we alone that are given our own special, specific and unique materials and canvases to create the work of art we which illustrate, convey and design for ourselves and lives. With every stroke of my own brush may I see the beauty to found in my own colorful mural.