My Sanity or My Vanity

One night when I was living in New Hampshire I was chatting a girl friend in Louisiana and we were discussing all that we had on our plates at the time with school, work, husbands, kids, family etc. My friend was saying I’m teaching this, I’m doing this and these performances and such it was really adding up. She was like I don’t how to get it all done I could do this but I don’t know. While listening and chatting It hit sanity or vanity. I said to you do you want to be more concerned with your vanity or sanity. As you read this you may be wondering what exactly do I mean this. What I mean by vanity related to the conversation is that we or the world puts so much pressure on us to do any and everything and all the time that we find ourselves going crazy or sane with our overladed plates in life. I was saying to my friend what would you rather be sane, balance and have your peace of mind or feel as if you are going in sane or spinning out of orbit.

People talk about and use the expression that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting the different results.
In entered into motherhood in August of 2010 and learned how to travel my journey as a mama of one baby. Then in 2013 I became a mama of two babies
and have had and are learning what my new mommy world and journey looks like and requires of this mama of two babies. I just my motherhood’s version of the definition of this expression is if I expected to do what I have always done when I was a mama of one is maybe insane after having two babies. I and we must keep evolving as things change even so if not more so in our journey as mamas. I know for me if I didn’t evolve and expected things to work as they did with one baby after having two then I would for sure be going in sane as a mama. As far as I’m concerned, also one of my favorite, when mama is sane everybody sane.

As mamas we must all define what sanity or vanity would be for each of us and our own journey as we travel through our own motherhood. Each journey and definition of sanity and vanity will most like and can be different for each of us because we are all unique, special and different individuals with equally unique, special and different world view and perspectives. In trying create our own terms that define sanity and vanity in our own journey as mamas we each have to do this for ourselves for no one can tell us or define for us what that will be vanity or sanity our own own journeys as mama. What one mama defines as her sanity may be insanity by vanity for another and what one mama defines as her insanity by vanity will be a safe sane haven for another each to her own. It does not matter what it looks like for each of us as long as we know and define for ourselves and own journey what we cause insane vanity and what gives us our sanity and peace of mind.

For me in my own journey through my motherhood I would define vanity as continual chaos. I would say having things unorganized and out of order equally on the daily basis and in my life in general can make me feel as if I’m going to go into orbit. Most of this for me stems from what I have to do to make my life functioning for my vision. I don’t want to have to do anything that make my life more complicated than it has be over and beyond what my life with a disability requires of me. I’ve come to a point not just in my journey as a mama but in my life journey as well that I don’t want extra complications, stress or drama. For me trying to do more that what I know I can handle or mange is definitely insanity in the name of vanity. I have found that most of this comes from the additional factors In my life on top of eventing else some of which will be discussed later in another book. For one thing I can’t stand to be micromanaged this mama needs room and space to do my thing and be my own person. I also feel that times of having to do more than one thing constantly becomes overwhelming and can make me feel as if I’m going insane. Those are just some of what makes me feel insane in the name of vanity and that is what I would define as extra and vanity in my life as a mama and a woman.

For me in my own journey through motherhood I would define sanity and my peace of mind. Peace of mind for me comes from the exact direct opposite from the above description of insane vanity. I always and forever want all day long and every day to have order, organization in my daily life and overall in my life. As far as I’m concerned chaos, disarray, mayhem, and turmoil are uninvited guests that can go away and don’t return for they are unwelcome here and will be sent packing should they dare darken my door. I’m sane and have peace of mind when I’m free to have the space and freedom to be my own person. When I have room to breathe and time to slow down to take those sips, breaths, breaks and relax I find much serenity, tranquillity and peace. In theses things and times of such peace I have sanity because I’m able to rewind, rest, find and get my focus, center and balance. I have learned at this point in my own life journey and mama journey that it’s not worth the mental stress and emotional exhaustion to worry about going insane in the name of vanity. I rather keep me sanity and peace of mind. Remember when I’m sane all are sane in my family. For my sake, family and babies sake I will always choose my sanity and not vanity.

In journeying forward in my motherhood I choose my sanity over vanity. In choosing my sanity over vanity I have to make choices and work to protect my sanity. I have to say and think that will this (fill in whatever in this blank) make feel sane or cost me my sanity, peace of mind and spin into orbit in the vain hopes of pleasing the world. I wish to always strive to protect my sanity and peace of mind and not concern myself with vain distractions or pleasing the world. In protecting my peace of mind and sanity doing myself, my babies and family a favor. In doing this I’m able to stay centered, focused, balanced and sane. As we all know when mama’s sane I’m happy and so then everybody can be happy and sane. In protecting my sanity and peace of mind I’m protecting my own well being and allowing for me to do and be my best version of me and to give my best to my babies and family. In this I’m protecting what is best for my family. May I always in my journey as a mama protect and chose my sanity and peace of mind even if that means the vain distractions of the world will be disappointed. To that I say world you can give over yourself my family and babies come first they I will protect and go forward knowing I’m doing able being the best peaceful, happy and sane mama in my and our journey.

About Heartfelt Meditations

I am a published author and was published in 2011. My passions in writing involves my journey through motherhood, my faith and my love for America and our history. I live in New Hampshire bur am from Texas.
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3 Responses to My Sanity or My Vanity

  1. Luna says:

    I’ll take sanity, but am feeling rather lost in space myself.

    Like

  2. I remember our conversation that night about sanity over vanity…we don’t have to do it all 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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