In our culture today we seem to be all so preoccupied and wrapped around the idea of normal, being normal or having a sense of normalcy. When did we all become so preoccupied and obsessed with this idea of normal. Whatever happen to the idea of diversity, eclectics and being unique and different. I meant isn’t it said the variety is the spice of life. In considering this idea of normal and being normal or a sense of normalcy we have to consider a few questions. Let’s ask what does normal and being normal mean. Let’s examine what is it to have a sense of normalcy. How do we define what normal is to look like and be. In motherhood I think we as mamas stove and want our kids to be normal and fit in. For us as mamas what does it mean to have normal kids and them be normal. In striving to be normal and have the normal what are we teaching our babies and what are they learning about life.
The word normal is defined as being regular, natural, or conforming to the common or generally accepted and expected standard. Have a normalcy is also defined as having or being the characteristic or quality of normal regarding economics, political, social and socially economics demographics.The interesting thing about the idea of normal is that there seems to be two competing ideas we teach our babies. We say or desire for them to be normal and have normal lives and in may respects this is good like with their health, having friends, having no major life problems we should and it’s okay to have and want this for our kids. Then agin we say to our kids be unique, be your own unique self and don’t be afford to be yourself and be true to yourself. Find and travel your own path and walk to the beat of your own drum. How does one reconcile these seemly at odd ideas. For me it was always and still is important to be true to yourself and be yourself and find your own path. I guess that’s because most of my own life experience. Then I also know that as a mama I want my babies to have the normal good things like good health, happy childhood, good friends and no major life problems. This is what was normal and in the normal I think one can safely and security to go explore and find their own way and branch out on their own to step their own path and define what is normal for them and their own life journey
Before April 2017 my family was pretty typical, normal and happy and it worked for us. We were a loving family of husband and wife happily married, madly and crazy in love with two kids son and daughter. Life wasn’t without its typical first problems but it was perfect for us and what we wanted. My babies had a normal life that was healthy, happy, with friends and free from real world problems. Then in one split second and with a blink of an eye the normal we had created, defined and known for ourselves, life and family was gone, shattered, broken, crushed, and obliterated. The happy, perfect normal life we and our babies had known was ripped away form us and them to never be known again. In that split secco our normal world was turned upside down. Our family was broken and shattered and no longer a family with a father, mother and two kids. In that split second with one life altering event our happy and perfect world came to an end. For me and my babies our normal ended and my babies were no loner with out real world problems and our lives were no longer filled with complete joy and happiness. Our world and lives would forever be changed, never to be the same again and to be forever stained by this event.
What we had known and my babies had known and defined what was their and our normal was turned on its’ head. When your normal had been defined and was the answer to the question of what is normal and now that defined normal has be now undefined by the brokenness and shattered glass of life how does one answer the question of what is normal. How does one go about seeking, creating and defining a sense of normalcy after the loss my husband and my babies daddy. People say the new normal but what is that it’s new maybe but it’s not the normal we had or ever wanted so how can one say the new normal as if we are just to go on or forward as if we always have. How do I define that is to be the normal for me and my babies as we now go on and have gone on for the last 17 months. There is nothing normal about our life and reality. It’s a realty that should have never been. How do I create find and define what is normal, have a sense of normalcy and what that is suppose to be or look like for me, my baby and us as a family
I have never been one for having a strong sense of needing to be normal and needing to fit in maybe because I knew from an early age I wasn’t normal and never would be, on account of my disability/ visual impairment, and didn’t fit in for most of my life. So I always had to find my own way, my own path to travel and make my own music to walk to. This has been pretty much truth for me all through my childhood and through my adulthood and still is in this new and expected journey and my journey as a mama. Now that I have become a single mom and widow at the age of 38 and have my two precious babies to raise. This idea of being normal and having normalcy seems to be more important to me, my babies and our family more than it ever has before. I’m not sure how I feel about that but it makes sense. I know my babies are and we are all search for seeking to find our way and what our lives and family is to look like and be without John. This past summer, in her desperate need to be and have normal family life and what was, my daughter has been constantly obsessed bout wondering if she ever has a daddy again, have a family agin like we did, if i marry or don’t marry again and what will that all be like if it happened and if it doesn’t happen. This need for us to find our way, what our normal will be from here on out, make sense of our different world, reality, life and my daughter’s questions make perfect sense. We all have to now define and create a different, unwanted and unexpected reality, life and make it some how normal for us and our family.
The idea of being normal and having normalcy also seems to imply an element of relativism for what is normal is for one or a family may not be normal for another person and family. Maybe whether a persons or we as mamas or families strives for and seeks normalcy or being normal comes down to one’s philosophy or point of view in life and their priorities. As I journey forward in this different life and really with my babies as a single mom and widow I have define what is our different will be for me, for my babies and our family. In my ability to define this for myself maybe I can help my babies to define that for themselves and their own different lives and reality. Even at almost the year and half mark out I absolutely don’t have the answers and I’m seeking and have much much to figure out and on most day have no clue, unsure and uncertain as to where this is going or what will be next or what direction this is all going in. The only thing I know at this point is to try to remind myself and cling to what I do know. I keep continuing on with the idea of what would John want me to do and what would make him proud of how I’m carrying on, carrying our family and doing what I think is best. It is what I’m doing best don’t know only time will tell. Maybe it’s in and through these things and what I’m trying to do I’m starting to slowly but surely defining mine and our family different and current normal. Maybe as I continue to do so a and our different and current normal will take shape and be defined. May I continually be able to progress, continue moving and find and shape a different and current normal that I, my babies and our family defines for ourselves as we journey on and as I journey on as a mama in my different and current journey.