In 2010 when I first started on my journey through motherhood with the birth of my precious baby girl I started my journey of learning, growing, evolving, discovering hat is was to be a mommy, what it was to be a mommy of two precious babies and now as a solo mommy. I have traveled along my mommy journey from being a virginal mommy to becoming a an expert mommy for my babies back to being a virginal solo mommy. I’ve seen how I and my journey as a mama has evolved through all new parts of my journey through motherhood. There have been countless valley mommy moments and many mountaintop mommy moments. I hope as my journey continues and in 13 years as I reach the finish line of this marathon of motherhood/parenting I can say I have had more mountaintop mommy monomers than moments in my mommy valleys. Along my journey through motherhood I have learned the value in taking sips, taking breaths and going forward traveling through my own motherhood/ parenting.
Each part of my journey through motherhood has brought new lessons to be learned, more knowledge gained, things experienced and discovered, new growth and my continual evolution process as a mama. This is was true with my entrance into motherhood in 2010. This was equally true when I became a mama of two precious babies in 2013. More than ever or imagined this is beyond a doubt true of my continuing traveling my journey as solo mama and widow fooling the loss of my beloved John in April 2017. All throughout my journey through my motherhood I have learned and discover the value of taking sips, taking my breathes so I could go forward giving and putting the best version of myself as a women, wife, now widow, and mommy forward for my family and my babies. In the new part o my journey there is has never been a time where the importance and value of taking my sips, breathes and as I go continue traveling has been more evidence and valuable. Whether or not I wanted to or chose to do so on this current journey of mien life has almost made it or forced me where i had no other choice but to take my sips, and breaths and ensured there is time, attention I give to myself and I allow myself much grace in my daily life and journey.
I always knew and saw the value in this ideas for myself as I want to strive and do my very best for my family and babies but now more than ever I know in doing so is a matter of my very surveil as a solo mama and widow. For one thing is that fact that i’m solo so its me and me along doing this journey and if I can’t or not able then that’s just not good. Therefore to ensure for my babies that I’m able and can do what I have to do as a solo mama I must take time for me and care for myself if not for me but atlas for my babies. Moreover though because of it just being me and me alone as a widow and solo mama and the profound, immense, immeasurable weight that comes from carrying this new load in and of itself demands much self care and grace to be given to oneself. I don’t think one can survive traveling this journey if they don’t attend to or they ignore their self care needs and not allow themselves much or endless grace along the way of this journey of widowhood and or solo/ single parenting/ motherhood.
As I travel my new journey of widowhood and being a solo mama ,though I’m still finding my way, don’t know much and don’t have the answers, my ability to continue to travel this path is because I have given myself grace and taken time for myself. No matter how well or poorly I may be traveling this new path and whether I wanted to, chose or was made to take the time for myself it has made this most impossible, overwhelming, profound load and journey at least manageable to the point where i can mange the daily life of being a solo mama and widow. It has made that while I may feel in my heart and in my head think I can’t do this and I will surely subsume to the weight of this load and will surely be pulled under by the crashing swirling whirling waves of this oceans I’m staving to swim in that I’m still treading in place and so far not drowned yet. Usually when I feel as Im now at the point of being pulled under it is at the point when most needed I’m given a prevue and breaks in the force of the tide in my ocean. Thus if no other point and now more than ever I know I must always and forever take my sips, take deep breathes and strive to continue traveling on this journey as a solo mama and widow. Maybe these sips, deep breathes will ultimately being my saving grace that allows me to reach the shore and finally come the finish line of my marathon of solo parenting. If I know nothing else at this point in my journey is that I must take my sips and deep breathes so that I can be the very best for my babies and I can continue to travel this journey I’m on even if it is to only tread these waves. My hope is that one day I will be able to swim and surf through these waves of my ocean to make it to shore of my new journey.