People in Hell Want Water

There is a great classic song from back in the day done by a group called The Rolling Stones and it is called “You can’t Always Get what You want and the course goes like this:

“You can’t always get what you want”
“You can’t always get what you want”
“ You can’t always get what you want”
“But if you try something you just might find you get what you need”

This song and lyrics remind of a great expression that I heard recently and fell in love with it. My neighbor told me she use to say to her boys when they were growing up “yes in people in hell want water too”. Okay so you might be saying but people need water. This is true but in the context of parenting and this expression she was saying people in hell may want water but there in hell so they can’t get it. There a couple of correlations to being mommies and for our babies we as mommies and our babies at times both experience the ‘I want what I want NOW’ in these moments of ‘I want what I want NOW moments’ our babies and as mommies have to understand and learn the truth of lyrics of the Rolling Stones song and of the expression of ‘People in Hell want water”

The moments of ‘I want what I want NOW’ moments for my babies can come in numerous and endless ways and instances throughout the daily routine. It could be I want to watch what I want to watch on tv or a movie NOW. One of my children could say I want a certain toy NOW. They both could say they want to eat NOW. They also could both say I want to go play at the park, go swimming or whatever NOW. Let’s be honest we as mommies have and get our own case of I want what I want and I want it NOW such as I want peace and quite Now. I want uninterrupted phone calls or conversations NOW. I want to go to the bathroom alone with no one with Now or take a bath uninterrupted NOW. I want to eat in peace NOW. Better still I want to nap Now or have mommy or me time NOW. In either case for us as mommies and our babies its really truly difficult and trying at times when we have the case of wanting what we want NOW!. Although it can be challenging, I’m equally guilty and need reminding myself, we each have great lessons of truth to be learn with great take away form the Rolling Stones and the expression of ‘People in Hell want water’

At this point you might be scratching your head wondering what is this insane women talking about. In either case I will gladly show and share the lessons of truth I see in these lyrical words and expression that are most valuable. Let’s start with the lessons of truth that our babies can learn. The lesson of truth that comes from ‘People in Hell want water” is that even though our babies aren’t in hell, of course we don’t want that and that isn’t what we are saying, but at times they may feel that way like when they can’t play when they want to or with what they wan to. Other times they can’t watch what want when they want. Basically in any case where they cant’t have or get their way when they want and if any of these cases they make a bad or red choice have to face the music or consequences of said choice such as timeout, going without what they want, being on restrictions or having to forego something they wanted to get or do because of their bad/red choices. In the case and instances they may think or feel that they are in hell. The lesson of truth of that is that even they aren’t getting their way (no water in hell) they are learning the lessons of life that they need to be happy, healthy, productive, successful, responsible, respectful, stable, good and contributing adults in our culture, society, the world and on their own life’s journey. They may not realize the truth of these lessons while are not receiving the water they think they need, want and are entitled too but as they learn, grow and journey on in their lives they see the truth and value of getting what the need and not what they want and will be better for it.

No worries ladies I didn’t forget about us and our lessons of truth we can learn from “You can’t always get what you want but if you try something you just might find you get what you need” I may not get what exactly what I want when I want as a mommy and it yes absolutely I get frustrated, mad, annoyed, stressed out and find it most challenging when I can’t get the oh so very much needed, naps, breaks, peace and quite, the uninterrupted chats, phone calls, bathroom or bather my mommy time among other things that I want what I want when I want like yesterday. The lesson for me has been as I journey along in my motherhood is that, yes I need reminding of this, that I have seen time and time again on a daily base is what I call the daily simple saving graces. I have gotten those when I needed them sometimes when I wanted them as well but often it was what I needed when I needed it the most. It could be I will get a night off to do my stuff or have time to myself when I was suppose or think I wasn’t going to and it was during a particularly hard day or week even. Another example could be when a girlfriend came over for a play date which gave me time with my girlfriend just not maybe my preference of a girls night out but it was what I needed in the sense it was still time with my girlfriend. Another example could if I’m tired or not feeling well I can’t get a day to rest uninterrupted like I would prefer but I do get my babies being sweet by either playing nicely and quietly on their own while rest or relax on the couch or they watch tv together while I lay on the couch. Are any of these my perfect and ideal preference of what I want when I want no but it is the simple daily saving grace of what i need in that moment of my day as a mommy. In those moments of getting what I need are the very things at times that can be the saving grace i need as a mommy that help me feel and stay centered, focused, balanced and keep me out of the valleys of my motherhood and on top of my mommy mountains.

In either case of our babies not getting the water they want or us as mommies finding what we need in our moments of simple daily saving graces we learn that there is more in life then getting our way all the time. We learn that it is better getting what we need then always having what we want when we want NOW. We learn patience and how to be patient although difficult, frustration and challenging. We learn that there is more to this life then instant gratification and that good things come to those who wait. Do I need help remembering these lessons in my days and journey as a mommy yes I do and that’s okay. Learning and growing in these valuable truths and lessons I can help teach my babies valuable life lessons and I learn how to trust and focus on my daily saving graces that I need as a mommy. In my journey as a mommy I know that when I take the needed simple daily saving graces that come my way when I need them in my day and journey I feel sane, balanced, focused and centered as a mommy and I can be the mommy I want and need to be for my babies and in my journey as a mommy. May I always seek the daily simple saving graces that I am given and blessed with in my daily journey as a mommy. In our continuing journeys as mommies may we remember and teach the lessons of truth to be found in song by The Rolling Stones and no water in hell. May we always have the knowledge, courage and strength to teach these life lessons as we continue on our journey through motherhood.

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By Right of Birth I enter into Motherhood

After starting my journey as a mommy and entering into motherhood with the birth of my daughter I heard someone say that I delivered a baby but I didn’t give birth. This to me made no sense to me and was most confusing and a little disconcerting. First of all I was thinking what is exactly the supposed difference because don’t they go hand in and hand and you have do one to o have the other. This made me think several things for one what exactly has to be done or take place to be considered to have enter into motherhood and become a mommy. What is the price of admission or the members fee we must pay as women for entrance into the club of motherhood or for our ticket to travel this journey we call motherhood. What is the process of by which we all become mothers. It is simply through the right of giving birth that we earn our right of passage to enter into motherhood or is the entrance into motherhood can be granted by a multitude of doors being opened to the beginning of this new journey as women who are now mommies.

In considering these question I think it is very telling of how much judgment there is out in our society and culture on women and mothers. The amount of judgement that we as women and mommies face and have to encounter seems to has not changed or transformed as our world as the varying different paths that can be taken to start ones journey into motherhood. This is disheartening because the journey of motherhood is the same regardless as to how one may have come to start or enter their journey as a mommy. The journey of motherhood may be the same but the path of entering into motherhood often times isn’t and doesn’t have to be the same. For many women having to come to their journey of motherhood in different ways should not cause judgement to them as women for having to approach and come to the start of their journey as a mommy differently.

How we as women come to motherhood whether it is through traditional childbirth natural or not, giving birth through c-scetion, having become a mommy after fertility treatments, having a serrate, or adopting or being a foster parent or also being a step parent or single mom have the same out come and result of becoming a mommy. Regardless of how a women enters into the journey of motherhood has no bearing on what the journey through motherhood will be for her and she will experience motherhood just as would another women who enter into motherhood through a different matter. Motherhood is a journey traveled by all women who have children through whatever means and care for, take care of, protect, provide, support and love their children. The passage into motherhood may vary but the journey itself is no different from one women to the next. As women who travel the same journey through motherhood maybe we should consider redefining what means to be afforded the right of passage into motherhood.

In our defining of one’s passage into motherhood may we focus on what it is to be a mommy and not on the method by which we as women became mommies. Motherhood is the hardest and yet best job one can ever do. It requires everything you got your time, effort, your body, your space, your heart, your love, your sleep and more than any of us could probably dream of before staring this journey into motherhood. As a women if you love, cherish treasure the children your care for then you are a mommy who is journeying through motherhood. If you teach, support, encourage, raise and discipline the children you care for you are a mommy. If you take care of, protect and provide for the children you care for you are a mommy. If you have ever had a sleepless night, been exhausted beyond all reasonability, go without food, privacy, alone time and space, survived teething, the terrible twos, potty training and been vomited on or pooped on and any other of the countless endless other things that comes with the one’s membership to the club of motherhood then you are a mommy and always will be regardless of which path of right of birth brought to this journey of motherhood you now travel. May we as women and mommies remember what is the ultimate goal of motherhood to love, care for and raise the babies we are given and blessed with regardless through whatever methods we have been blessed with our babies. May we also strive as women to be understanding, kind, compassionate, supportive and encouraging to all women, our fellow travelers, on this journey of motherhood for we all are traveling and finding our own path and way through our own journey as mommies for ourselves, our babies and families as we go forward as mommies.

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A new season and chapter in my Journey

Since April 4 and durning my absence and time of silence on Heartfelt Meditations there has been much change and many translations for me and my family as we journey forward. I’m not sure at this point what this new journey is to be or look like or how to figure it all out. I hope to figure it all some how. There is just incredible so very much swirling, whirling and swirling endlessly. It is more than anyone should ever have to do. I find myself and my family learning and experinceing swimming in very deep new uncharted waters. I have found myself having become a widow and a single mom who is disabled and having to move my family across country back to Louisiana. This is a journey  I never expected or wanted. Although in future weeks to come and in future posts I will be writing about all of this as well as picking back up with the third book I was in the process of wring when this all happened back in April.

I truly appreciate understanding and patience during this season of my journey. I am learning how to find my way and path as I journey forward. I have much to say and write and much that fills my heart. I hope to be able to formulate it and pen it to paper and get it written down. All I can say at this point is that I’m doing my best and tying to go and move forward and figure this all out. It is a new unexpected journey that I must take and travel now. This will prove to be an interesting difficult journey. Hopefully my path will become more clear as I journey forward. Stay tuned for future material to come shorty hopefully in the fall if not sooner. God Bless all.

 

 

 

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When MaMa Sane Everybody is Sane

In life we all have heard the expression ‘when mama is happy everybody is happy’ For better or worse that is often true and reality. To know when and what makes mama happy a mama must define what make her happy. For some mama it could be a clean house or to come home to a cooked meal that she didn’t have prepare or cook. Others it might be a long hot uninterrupted bath, uninterrupted meal or conversation with a girlfriend. Another mama could think her happiness can be found in a moment or moments of uninterrupted peace and quite of silence. Also a mama could find her happiness in having a day where her child or babies are getting along and playing well. In the case of a new mama it would the joy of realizing that for the first time since the birth of your child he or she slept through the night which means you did too. Who ever thought uninterrupted sleep could be so sweet its truly the simple things and joys. It could also be the personal satisfaction or gratification of know you are back into your pre-pregnancy clothes. In any case happiness can be found in any number of places for me as I journey forward in my motherhood.

Since I have become a mommy and as I continue to journey forward as a mommy I have learned and have created my own twist and version of this saying. I choose to say if I’m sane then everyone sane. I have learned how to create moments of sanity amidst the insanity at time in my life in the day of being a mommy and ways of maintaining my sanity as a mommy. If I feel as if I’m loosing my focus, balance, control and my sanity or mind I have to step back and stop to give myself the chance to regain my focus, balance, center, control, mind and sanity. In these moments of my life in my day as a mommy I may decide during nap time today I’m taking a nap too instead of being productive. I could decide that it’s better not to worry about house work and just relax and enjoy memorable moments with my babies. Although if it’s moments of craziness with my babies I might say go play of stairs and this gives me moments to myself to stop, breath and take in some sips and relax. Although in these moments that I choose to reset, recharge and refocus, I being type A, perfectionist, I feel guilty from time to time for taking these moments and not being productive. Although it is at this point I have to remind myself these few precious and priceless moments of regaining my focus, balance and sanity have immense and immeasurable value and are worth it for myself, my babies and family.

It is in and through my sanity I find my happiness as a mama thus for when I’m happy is when I’m sane so when Mama is sane(happy) everybody is sane. In my journey as a mommy I have found my sanity in multiple places along the way.
I have also discovered that it is most essential and paramount for me as a women, wife and mommy to keep my focus, balance and sanity. In doing this not just for myself but for my babies and family I’m able to be and give my very utmost best to my babies and family. It is doing and giving my best to my babies and family that I’m am able to be the mommy that I strive to be. It is through keeping my sanity that I am able to have my mommy mountaintop moments and journey through my motherhood with strength, confidence and success. I as a mommy desire to always give my very best and be my absolute best for my babies and family. May I always strive to keep my balance, focus and sanity and not loose sight of what creates moments of focus, balance and sanity. May we as mommies have the wisdom and sight to seek out what makes us sane and happy for ourselves, babies and families as we continue to journey forward as mommies.

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Let Mama Focus

In life it can feel as if we are in a constant swirling whirling sea of things that are bidding for, trying to get, attempting to buy, and grab us and our attention. In this swirling whirling sea of life it could be school or work that has our attention. The necessity of or for finances and money matters can hold one’s attention. One’s health and good fortune. Matters of the heart can capture the attention of someone and their heart. Our families often hold our attention and hearts as well. One’s pursuit of his or her passion, purpose and happiness can capture his or her attention and focus for a lifetime. In life its seems as if we are always splitting and dividing our attention between all these these various things. Maybe that is where in lies the secret to life is finding and keeping our attention focused on what is most important and what matters most. How do we know that is the most important and what matters most. It can only be defined by each individual for themselves as to what will their focus on in life and along their own journey. In motherhood I have to ask myself as a mommy what do I want to be my focus and I devote my attention too.

As a mommy of two babies I find myself more times than not having to focus on multiple and numerous things at one time. Also I find myself asking my babies and saying to them ‘Please let mommy focus’ or ‘I need to focus please’ The point and lessons of this mommyism is that in my day as a mommy I have times and moments that I need to focus on one certain thing in that moment. I might need to focus on counting out certain ingredient for whatever I’m cooking. I could need to focus on paying my bill over the phone. It could be, when I was in school, that I need had to devote my complete attention o a pressing deadline. I have to focus on helping my daughter with her homework. Although I can say that just about daily I find myself wanting to focus or not wanting to loose my train of thought or what I was going to do next. In trying to focus I have said please let us, let me or can we all do one thing at a time. I think my life in a day would be so much more smoother, easier and manageable if I could just focus on one thing or just do one thing at a time.

In my perfect dream of only having to do or focus on one thing is in starch contrast to the multi-tasking reality and focusing on juggling numerous things at one time I am faced with the choice of choosing what I want and wish to put and devote my focus too. As I have continue to journey through my motherhood and traveled through various stages and phases of my journey as a mommy I have learned what is really most important to me as a mommy. I have been able know what I want to choose to focus on in my journey as a mommy I want to focus on my family. I want to pour all my attention into my babies and being their mama. I want to soak up the moments and years with my babies and I don’t want miss one single moment or thing of my babies. I want to pour all of my time and attention to teaching and helping my babies, learn, grow, experience and develop along their own journey. I have learned that I am now, first, foremost and and forever mama and that my motherhood not only matters but is of the utmost importance.

In my journey as a mommy I have answered this question by defining my focus as to be solely on my babies and being their mommy. Although there is a part two of this and that is how do I keep my focus and keep myself from getting distracted from my chosen focus. Moreover in striving and trying to keep the focus of my motherhood on my babies and family I have had found my own ways of maintaining my focus on my babies. For me as a mama there have been numerous things that have helped the focus of my motherhood to stay on my babies. First I must always and forever remind myself and remember that first, foremost and fore I am now mama and nothing comes before that. This thought is at the center of everything I do now. Also keeping this in mind this helps guides all my decisions and choices in my journey as mother. Furthermore it is in this thought that helps me stay focus on the most important things my babies and my family as I continue to journey forward. I as a mommy may I never ever loose sight of the truth that I am now, first, foremost and forever mama. May I always have the insight, wisdom and discernment to keep my focus on my babies. May we as mommies go forward continuing to always giving our attention to the most important focus and cherished treasure of our journey as mommies our babies.

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The Question is not did you hear me but are you listening

Life is full of questions. It can be a quest for the answers to the questions asked. It is often that the questions we ask lead us to and through our journey in life. We ask a myriad of questions in life on any and every aspect and on every level of life form the micro to macro. Questions are asked about where to find or get things such as coffee, food, clothes or any other array of services or times needed for any variety of reasons. Also we ask about how to get where we are going. We ask questions about what we need to know on any given subject or area such as math, or I know I do for sure regarding that one, science (biology, chemistry, physics, medicine), geography, literature, history, economics, finance, philosophy, politics, the law, religion and spirituality, culture, society, life in general and any and everything in between. There are questions about the universe, how things work and why they work. There are questions about what does that mean or the meaning of life. There are questions about who we are and what is our purpose. We ask questions about where did we come from. There are other questions that involve what should we do in life and how to go about doing it. In asking questions one tends to find that the same questions can have meaning or significance equally on the micro as well on the macro or that these questions can be just as complex as they may seem simple. The questions we ask often involve the who, the what, the when, the why and hows of our life as we journey forward. Sometimes in life it’s not just about asking the questions but asking the right question and how does one discern and define what is the right questions to ask in life. In my journey as a mommy I’m ask and I equally ask so many endless questions I have to wonder in motherhood what are the right questions to ask.

In the life of a day as a mommy I can hear countless and endless question on any and everything one could possible imagine and then some. While the list of types of questions is immeasurable here are some that I hear and I’m you as a mommy hear as well. Mommy what’s for breakfast and lunch and dinner. Mommy can I get a snack. Mommy what time is it, its dinner time, and is it bed time. Mommy can I have a story tonight. Mommy I can play, watch tv, play on the iPad or my Leapad. Mommy I can I have a friend over or better yet a sleepover. Mommy can we go to the park, play outside, go swimming, ride my bike, Mommy when it is time to go and when I can do anything just fill in the blank. Another enormous category of questions is why anything. Why does that do anything, why is bed time, why is nap time, why do I have to do fill in the blank. Equally on the flip side are questions why can’t I do this, why can’t I play outside, have a friend over, why do I have go to bed, why do I have to clean my room and any other thing you could imagine. My answer at this point, especially if said question is asked companied by whining because I said so or told you to.

After hearing and answering endless questions as a mommy on any given day I have thought there were some questions I would love to hear or be asked of me. These are some of the questions I would love to hear in my perfect mommy dream world. Mommy can I go clean my room. Mommy can I please work on my homework. Mommy can I please pick up my toys and help with clean up. Mommy can I go take a nap. Mommy can I get ready for bed. Mommy can I please eat fruit and vegetables. Mommy can I help with some of your chores. Mommy how can I help keep the house clean. Like I said ladies this is what would be asked and take place in my perfect mommy dream world. I most admit, although not often, my daughter will ask if she can help. I hoping with time things from my dream world will become a mommy reality. Moreover I find myself asking and pondering a myriad of more realistic questions such as why is it so hard to get peace and quite, why is so difficult to get ready on time, why is so difficult to get things done in such a timely manner. Why is that after begging for supper my babies eat so incredibly slowly after wanting me to hurry up to get supper done. Why is it such a major thing to just simply get my family to pick up there things and put them in the right place. Why is it such an ordeal to get anyone to follow instruction or directions and listening to me. In the day of my life as a mommy, never mind a mommy of two babies I feel these are all very valid and relevant questions to ask.

In consideration of the potential and possible immeasurable amount questions that can be asked either by my babies or by myself as a mommy perhaps the most paramount, most profoundly fundamental and significant question the can be asked is did you hear or are you listening to me. These two question seem to be the same but in reality they are very different questions with a very distinct differentiation in the definition of each question. In order to understand the differentiation in the meaning of these profound questions one must understand the meaning of each question In asking the question did you hear me is only asking did the other persons that was asked the question did they hear you. Although at times that is all that is required or need to make sure you were heard. Whereas in asking are you listening to is to indicate whether the other persons is paying attention to the person who asked the question. Furthermore asking do you understand me is trying to ascertain as too did the person not only hear you, but is he or she listening to you and if so they understand the meaning or point of the question asked. These three things are not necessarily the same thing and just because one or two may have happened doesn’t mean all took place or were achieved by the persons who was asked a question. In understanding the distinct differing meaning of these three questions it is most evidence which question has a more profound value, influence and significance. The most important, relevant and right question to be asked is the the real question that needs to asked and focused on are you listening to me and do you understand me. In my journey as a mommy it is my goal to focus on asking the relevant, significant and right questions to achieve the goal of listening and in turn understanding or comprehension.

In continuing my journey as a mommy it is one thing to be heard but being heard is meaningless and will get empty results if we are not listened to and more importantly understood. I as mommy want to not only be heard, but be listened to and most importantly and above all I hope and desire for my babies to understand. The right and revenant questions to be asked of my babies is are you listening and do you understand me and what I said. It is through listening that my babies can learn, follow my directions and instructions and grow to know the reasons behind the rules, limits and boundaries. It is through their understanding they also can grow in the knowledge of the lessons of life that come from understanding gained from listening. May I as a mommy always have wisdom, insight and discrete to know the right questions to ask and focus on. May I as a mommy always teach my babies to listen not just hear what I say. May I always guide them to understand what I say and tell them. May they through understanding gain the immense immeasurable knowledge of the lessons of life that will serve them well in their own journeys. May we, as we continuing forward, as mommies always have the insight, wisdom and discernment to ask the right question and guide our babies to understanding and the knowledge of lessons of life.

 

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This is an A and B Conversation C your way out of it please

One of the most interesting, funniest and my new favorite mommyism or darnedest expressions is one I heard my husband say one night when we were all out together as a family. On this particular evening we were all sitting and eating at our local favorite restaurant Pizza Man and my husband and I were talking and our daughter started to interrupt us and start to say something. Then my husband say ‘this is A and B conversation you need to C (see) your way out of it. I just thought that was the absolutely the very best, most clever and funniest things ever. I absolutely love this new expression or mommyism. I find this new mommyism most interesting because it is a clever way to address another pet peeve of my as a mommy. Thus as soon as I heard it I knew right away that I would using this frequently probably to frequently for my babies taste.

The idea of having my conservations continually and constantly interrupted is so totally aggravating, irritating and annoying to me. Always not having a whole thought or idea articulated or communicated to completion in one continuos flow with out intrusion or break is extremely frustrating for its in often of this disruption of flow of thought that I loose my thought and can’t remember it. I think also for me that because all day, while I love my chats with my babies, all I ever get to do is only chatting with my babies until my husband gets home. When I finally get the delicious rare luxury of adult interaction, communication and conversation I don’t want it messed with. When my rare luxury is fooled with and disrupted I find the interruption all that more so exasperating then normal. Furthermore its a sure bet that my babies will hear me say ‘this is an A and B conversation so C your way out of it” more frequently.

I feel that there is much immeasurable value to be found in this mommyism. It is through this mommyism that there are lessons of life to be found and are treasures that need to be given, shared and taught to my babies. The first lesson is that you do not interrupt mommy or other adults unless absolutely necessary such as in an emergency. The second lesson is in direct connection to the first it is that interrupting someone is rude, inconsiderate, impolite, lack of courtesy and just simply in correct manners. Furthermore it is disrespectful not to wait your turn to speak or to think that what you have to say is more important than what was already being communicated by others. Thirdly my babies can learn that not only do we not interrupt people but we also don’t impose ourselves in conversation that don’t concern us and aren’t our business. It is equally just as rude, lack of courtesy, impolite, inconsiderate, improper or inappropriate manners and disrespectful to impose yourself or stick your nose where it does not belong or in matters that are not yours.

As my journey as a mommy continues I wish for my babies to come to know and understand the meaning of the mommyism of ‘this is a A and B conversation and C your way out of it’. Moreover I desire for them to know and understand the immeasurable value of the lessons of life that are to be found in this mommyism. I hope that as I continue forward as a mommy that I will always strive to, although not perfectly and far from it, not just give my babies the tools to learn how to be polite, considerate, courteous, use good manners that matter and be respectful but also teach them though demonstration and my own example. I need to be most consciences of the example that I’m setting before my babies through how I communicate and interact with others. As a mommy I must be aware of my own good manners that matter in my motherhood. Do I interrupt my babies when they talk to me and do I interact or communicate with my babies in the same manner that I expect of them such as being polite, courteous, gracious, considerate and respectful. May I always and forever strive to live what I teach and teach through my example and demonstration. May I extend the same good manners and treat others, my babies and family the same way I want to be treated and expect my babies do. May we as mommies go forward exemplifying the life lessons that are to be found in ‘This is A and B conversation C your way out of it’ that we want for our babies to learn and demonstrate in their own journeys through this life.

 

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