Defining the new normal whatever that is

In our culture today we seem to be all so preoccupied and wrapped around the idea of normal, being normal or having a sense of normalcy. When did we all become so preoccupied and obsessed with this idea of normal. Whatever happen to the idea of diversity, eclectics and being unique and different. I meant isn’t it said the variety is the spice of life. In considering this idea of normal and being normal or a sense of normalcy we have to consider a few questions. Let’s ask what does normal and being normal mean. Let’s examine what is it to have a sense of normalcy. How do we define what normal is to look like and be. In motherhood I think we as mamas stove and want our kids to be normal and fit in. For us as mamas what does it mean to have normal kids and them be normal. In striving to be normal and have the normal what are we teaching our babies and what are they learning about life.

The word normal is defined as being regular, natural, or conforming to the common or generally accepted and expected standard. Have a normalcy is also defined as having or being the characteristic or quality of normal regarding economics, political, social and socially economics demographics.The interesting thing about the idea of normal is that there seems to be two competing ideas we teach our babies. We say or desire for them to be normal and have normal lives and in may respects this is good like with their health, having friends, having no major life problems we should and it’s okay to have and want this for our kids. Then agin we say to our kids be unique, be your own unique self and don’t be afford to be yourself and be true to yourself. Find and travel your own path and walk to the beat of your own drum. How does one reconcile these seemly at odd ideas. For me it was always and still is important to be true to yourself and be yourself and find your own path. I guess that’s because most of my own life experience. Then I also know that as a mama I want my babies to have the normal good things like good health, happy childhood, good friends and no major life problems. This is what was normal and in the normal I think one can safely and security to go explore and find their own way and branch out on their own to step their own path and define what is normal for them and their own life journey

Before April 2017 my family was pretty typical, normal and happy and it worked for us. We were a loving family of husband and wife happily married, madly and crazy in love with two kids son and daughter. Life wasn’t without its typical first problems but it was perfect for us and what we wanted. My babies had a normal life that was healthy, happy, with friends and free from real world problems. Then in one split second and with a blink of an eye the normal we had created, defined and known for ourselves, life and family was gone, shattered, broken, crushed, and obliterated. The happy, perfect normal life we and our babies had known was ripped away form us and them to never be known again. In that split secco our normal world was turned upside down. Our family was broken and shattered and no longer a family with a father, mother and two kids. In that split second with one life altering event our happy and perfect world came to an end. For me and my babies our normal ended and my babies were no loner with out real world problems and our lives were no longer filled with complete joy and happiness. Our world and lives would forever be changed, never to be the same again and to be forever stained by this event.

What we had known and my babies had known and defined what was their and our normal was turned on its’ head. When your normal had been defined and was the answer to the question of what is normal and now that defined normal has be now undefined by the brokenness and shattered glass of life how does one answer the question of what is normal. How does one go about seeking, creating and defining a sense of normalcy after the loss my husband and my babies daddy. People say the new normal but what is that it’s new maybe but it’s not the normal we had or ever wanted so how can one say the new normal as if we are just to go on or forward as if we always have. How do I define that is to be the normal for me and my babies as we now go on and have gone on for the last 17 months. There is nothing normal about our life and reality. It’s a realty that should have never been. How do I create find and define what is normal, have a sense of normalcy and what that is suppose to be or look like for me, my baby and us as a family

I have never been one for having a strong sense of needing to be normal and needing to fit in maybe because I knew from an early age I wasn’t normal and never would be, on account of my disability/ visual impairment, and didn’t fit in for most of my life. So I always had to find my own way, my own path to travel and make my own music to walk to. This has been pretty much truth for me all through my childhood and through my adulthood and still is in this new and expected journey and my journey as a mama. Now that I have become a single mom and widow at the age of 38 and have my two precious babies to raise. This idea of being normal and having normalcy seems to be more important to me, my babies and our family more than it ever has before. I’m not sure how I feel about that but it makes sense. I know my babies are and we are all search for seeking to find our way and what our lives and family is to look like and be without John. This past summer, in her desperate need to be and have normal family life and what was, my daughter has been constantly obsessed bout wondering if she ever has a daddy again, have a family agin like we did, if i marry or don’t marry again and what will that all be like if it happened and if it doesn’t happen. This need for us to find our way, what our normal will be from here on out, make sense of our different world, reality, life and my daughter’s questions make perfect sense. We all have to now define and create a different, unwanted and unexpected reality, life and make it some how normal for us and our family.

The idea of being normal and having normalcy also seems to imply an element of relativism for what is normal is for one or a family may not be normal for another person and family. Maybe whether a persons or we as mamas or families strives for and seeks normalcy or being normal comes down to one’s philosophy or point of view in life and their priorities. As I journey forward in this different life and really with my babies as a single mom and widow I have define what is our different will be for me, for my babies and our family. In my ability to define this for myself maybe I can help my babies to define that for themselves and their own different lives and reality. Even at almost the year and half mark out I absolutely don’t have the answers and I’m seeking and have much much to figure out and on most day have no clue, unsure and uncertain as to where this is going or what will be next or what direction this is all going in. The only thing I know at this point is to try to remind myself and cling to what I do know. I keep continuing on with the idea of what would John want me to do and what would make him proud of how I’m carrying on, carrying our family and doing what I think is best. It is what I’m doing best don’t know only time will tell. Maybe it’s in and through these things and what I’m trying to do I’m starting to slowly but surely defining mine and our family different and current normal. Maybe as I continue to do so a and our different and current normal will take shape and be defined. May I continually be able to progress, continue moving and find and shape a different and current normal that I, my babies and our family defines for ourselves as we journey on and as I journey on as a mama in my different and current journey.

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Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte or Samantha – who are you Religiously

Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte or Samantha – who are you religiously

In 1998 HBO put out a controversial, provocative, cutting edge, fun, funny and sociological show called Sex and the City. This show ran until 2004 and throughout its six seasons the viewer and fans of it watched and journeyed with the four main characters of Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbs, Charlotte York and Samantha Jones as these women and friends went through eventing together and did life together. I think for me why I liked the show so much are for a few reasons. For one thing in 2006 when I discovered this show I very much related and connected to Charlotte York’s character due to, at the time, the recents events of my own life. Also my undergraduate background is sociology and the show explores, examines and presents many sociological perspective on a numerous topics in our culture. Another reason for my love of this show from 2007 to 2017 I lived in New Hampshire which was 26 hours away from most of my friends and I lived vicariously through these four characters as women and friends. For me the best part of this show and the reason why I enjoy it so much is that in the show and when watching the show one sees 4 women who are all friends and yet each of the characters are totally different and unique individuals from all walks of life, backgrounds, with different perspectives and all on their own journey. Each of these unique and different women come together through the common ground of their friendship. The sociologist in me sees the parallels of this show and these four characters to life and the Christian walk and faith.

As you sit here and read this you are probably thinking just a second now hold on how could these four characters from a show on HBO have any common ground or parallel our faith. The answer can be found into two things first of all the answer is found one’s understanding of the make up of each of these characters and women. Its in our understanding of these women and friends that we can also see the journey that may lead someone to the Fatih and the first place. Moreover the journey that leads one to the faith often influences their own journey and walk of faith. The character Carrie Bradshaw is a columnist/ writer and she very witty and creative and has great fashion sense. It might could be said she and her journey is more of a bit of a free spirt and some what of a bohemian type. In the show as you follow Carrie’s journey the viewer see her quest for true love. A case could be mad that Carrie is a person that is a seeker and on a quest and on her quest she may try all things and options before finding what she ultimately seeks. At the end of the show and her journey she finds comes to the end of her quest and finds what she seemed all along. Once she has reached the end of her quest and discovered what she was seeking she holds to it for dear life and never to let go again. It could be said that Carrie is true to the course and her quest. Once she finds what she seeks she is steadfast and never forsakes what she has discovered and found at the end of her journey. The parallel would be that as individuals some seek and go on a quest for the truth, the true answer, the one true faith and once they find it they hold to it for dear life, never to forsake or stray from their new found faith and belief in Jesus Christ.

I must confess that Miranda’s journey and point of view is so very much me to a tee I’m so similar to Miranda and I’ve even got the natural red hair to boot. Miranda in her journey is more like not so free spirit, very planned, rigid, and methodical. Miranda is also very Type A, perfectionist, OCD, logical, tough love and pragmatic. Professionally this makes sense she is an attorney. Miranda is of the point of view of skeptical she wants to be shown the evidence and prof. Although is a skeptic and wants to be shown the evidence once it has been proven to her she will move heaven and earth and not look back to stand on her belief and convictions. In looking at the journey of Samantha she is the type of character and person that knows what she wants and goes for it and won’t settle either. Samatha is unsure if she believes and is more of the school of thought of taking and looking gout for self. If she is to consider any belief system she feels as if one should try all options before buying into to one particular system of beliefs. In her journey of trial and error once she has tested all these options and will come to conclusion that will be her choice of a brief system. This journey of trial and error that she has traveled has taken to the path of true Fatih and but only trail and error. Once she has discovered and reach the conclusion of believing and holding to the one true faith of Jesus Christ this is now what she now wants and she goes all in and all the way on this new journey of faith.

As Charlotte York travels on her own journey she is more from the point of view of being an optimistic and a true believer. Charlotte in the show never lost hope in true love and that she could find true love. Despite Charlotte’s struggles challenges and times in the valleys never wavered and lost the faith in her desire for true love and that she would find it. This is just as true for the believer traveling on their now faith journey. Once one has found the true answer of Jesus Christ and chosen the one true faith he or she never wavers in this belief in this one and true faith. They never forsake their beliefs, faith and convictions. That is not to say that there aren’t moments, days and seasons in the valleys as one travel along their journey of Fatih but just because they may walk in the valleys that doesn’t mean that at the core their belief, faith and convictions have to be shaken or waver. In fact it’s in these valleys when one feels shaken these very convictions, beliefs and faith steadies the one who is traveling through the valleys in their own journey. In holding to one’s faith and conviction it is often that is the very thing that brings one out on the other side standing firm and steady on the mountaintop in their journey.

In following these women and friends through their journey together, seeing who they are as characters and understanding how this can parallel our own lives and journey through our faith consider this. Who are we in our faith are we more like Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte or Samantha. For me and my own journey and faith I don’t see is as so cut and dry as I’m one or the other. We as individual people are complex being and life is rarely ever just about one or the other. More times than not life and is a mixture of things blended together. While I do see some of all these women and characters in me and my journey I can say there is a some dominant and more influential on my journey. In my own journey I see that I have the influence of Carrie in that I’m creative in some ways and I’m a writer and have a great passion for my writing. I feel not so much as when I was younger but as I’ve gotten older I have seen more of an Samantha influence in my journey I know that i want and I go for it and when I’m done I’m done. I would say for me the two most dominate influence on me and my journey comes from Charlotte and Miranda. I often think and say I should have been lawyer and I the idea of the law and studying it. Actually most of the tv that I watch has to do with law, cop and dective shows and drama. Also I’m most definitely practical and logical, at times to my own determent, type A, OCD, and perfectionist. I want to see and be shown the whys, hows, reasons and base or evidence for something. The Charlotte influence in me is my and her journey have been similar in many ways which how i got interested in the show to begin with. Also I have always believed from a young age and have never wavered in my faith or belief at its core. That is not to say that I haven’t had my valleys, struggles and my moments of doubt in some aspects but never ever at the core of my Fatih and who Jesus and God is. In your own journey what parallels do you see to these four friends and characters. Who do you see that influences the journey through your faith and the type of walk of faith that you travel. Are you a Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, Samantha or more a blended mixture as you journey through your faith.

The second answer to how these four women and friends parallels our faith is that just as in the show these four unique and different individual women came together on the common ground of their friendship this is the same of us as believers. We are all special, different, unique and wonderfully made by our Creator. We are all different, have different backgrounds and we are all on our own unique and different journeys. No matter if you are a Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, Samantha, or a blended mixture, what your background is, where you came from, or how you came to the faith and your own journey before your faith and as you journey through your faith we still all have come to believe in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. We can come together and be united by and on the common ground of our faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. May we all journey forward in our own walk and faith but knowing we travel this journey together
as friends, sisters and brothers in Christ and followers of Christ. Let this always be the ground of commonality that we hold to and stay true as we gather at the table and fellowship in our common bond as we journey along in faith.

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Pulling of the Band-Aids of this new life and Journey

One of the main roles of being a mommy is playing nurse, caring for one’s babies and comforting them when they are hurt, sad, sick or in need. I have done this countless times as I’m sure we all have a mommies. One of the most common and probably easily fixed is when our babies have a small scratch, cut or scrapped spot on them from whatever cause. I know I have and when I have what is the first thing we do ladies. For I say what happened and I’m so sorry and mommy will fix that right up. Then what next we clean up whatever it is with a wipe or water and dab it and maybe add Neosporin then cover the area with a Band-Aid. Next comes the hugs, kisses and snuggles and cuddles. Then its all better right until maybe a few days later when I say can mommy take your band Aid off. Of course comes NO mommy it will hurt no mommy I don’t want you too it will hurt. I end getting my babies to let me do so and they are like oh that was no big deal and that wasn’t so bad and then all is well. As I found myself having to travel forward in my journey as a mama solo I have discovered that not all band-aids come off are not so easy or simple.

Ever since we lost John it has felt as if there have been an endless of band-aids that have be ripped off and they did not come off gently. The band aids of my babies hearts and my heart have been placed on on our hearts to attempt to heal the brokenness and our shattered hearts that are filled with unjust and unfair wounds, injuries and gapping wholes. I know not of what could truly heal such scars and wounds. There is no easy way to tear such band-aids from our hearts. I haven’t said this won’t hurt or it will be okay when I know band-aids are being ripped off for this would make me a liar and deny the pain that my babies endure as I do was well. There is nothing easy about this for them or me. The endless ripping of band-aids started with having do the unthinkable and imaginable looking into my daughter that her daddy had gone to see Jesus and was no longer with us. More came when we had to say good bye at the funeral on April 13, 2017 then when I showed my babies where I laid their daddy to rest in his cubby, as my babies call it, on August 22, 2018 and al the other times of saying goodbye to their daddy over eat last 17 months and for the rest of their lives from here now and forward. The band-aids have been ripped off with every thing that reminds us that John and their daddy is no longer with us in the small constant daily things and to the big things that are missed by John and my babies for not having their daddy here for them in such times over the last 17 months and for all the times to come and follow after for the rest of our lives.

I and my babies experienced the band-aids of our hearts being ripped off during the whole first years of first with out John and their daddy. The first came when we had our first Memorial day without John which the day for our nation remember their fallen heroes. John will always and forever be our American Solider and hero. Our hearts had band-aids ripped off when we had to leave our home that we shared with John and move to Louisiana. It was almost unbearable to celebrate my babies first birthdays without John to see our babies grow and turn another year older. Christmas was and is our favorite holiday and to have to do it and go through it without John another band-aid being ripped form our hearts. There have been and will be endless more firsts and countless other band-aids ripped form our broken and shattered hearts. I wondered how can a wound ever really, truly and completely heal when it’s constantly being ripped back open and exposed to new and constant sources of pain, iteration, exasperated. There seems not to be a true band-aid my and my babies broken and shattered hearts. It is said that with time comes healing and it gets easier I’m unsure of that and have not come to that reality and know not if that will ever be the case for me and my babies. How could any of this and this constant ripping of endless band-aids off my babies and my heart ever be made easier and less painful. How can these wounds and injuries ever be healed and made whole again.

I miss the days when it was just as simple as clean up the scratch, cut or scrap, putting Band-Aid and with kisses it was all better and then taking it off with little pain all was well. Those days for my babies are long gone and the there is no band-Aid or patch for the cuts, scraps and scratches that are on my babies hearts and mine. I sit here and write this this pains my heart like no other pain before to know that there is no easy fix or way to take this away from babies and truly heal their heart’s cuts, hurts, scratches and scrapes that hey suffered at such a tender age. These injures they have endured are unjust and unfair. I have journey forward, all the while with my own unjust and unfair injuries have strived and struggle to find answers and ways to be a nurse and to care for my babies gapping and open wounds of their sweet, precious and tender hearts. The methods and ways that I have found and used are a myriad of things like I have photos of John and them and our family all around in photos, pillows and blankets. I took the last recording of his voice on my phone and had it recorded in build -a -bears for my babies. We pray and speak of John often and have family chats and I do my best to answer their questions. I hope to make more things for my babies of them and their daddy. We remember at all special occasions such Memorial Day, Veternaisn Day, his birthday and father’s day and many other special times. I wish and hope that their memories of their daddy will live on and not be forgotten. I also hope that all the things that I strive to do and use to offer some comfort to my babies while can never mend the whole where John was that some how my mommy bandaids somehow help and comfort my sweet precious babies. May I continue to strive to comfort my babies and create and offers bandaids for their hearts as we we three travel forward together as a family hand in hand thrust this journey.

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Embracing the New Lessons of my New Jourey through Motherhood

In my eight year journey thus far as a mommy and even more so as I have continued on as a mommy of two babies I have experienced numerous new things and changes. I have learned and grown more than I ever could have dreamed of. I have been doubly stretched and made more flexible to the point at times of being outside of my own comfort level or zones. I have had my double shot of the overjoyed and the oh boys moments in motherhood. I’ve been in my mommy valleys and on my mommy mountaintops. I have been witnessed to my very own evolutionary process as a mommy from being extremely virginal to becoming and evolving into feeling strong, steady and confident in my own expert voice and ability as the mommy of my babies and for my family.  In and through motherhood I have gained the most challenging and difficult at times, yet the most fulfilling, rewarding and best job ever that I could hope to have. Also in my becoming a mommy of two babies I have had my ultimate dream come true and realized that this journey that I was embarking upon would be and will continue to be the ultimate journey of a lifetime.

In embarking on and journeying through my second verse of motherhood I have grown experienced, learned many numerous new ways and lessons while in other ways it has provided a good reminders, refreshers and reinforced the value of the lessons learned in my first verse of my motherhood. I can say with certainty I was rapidly right of the bat of entering my second verse of motherhood I was reminded of how desperately I wished I had an instructional manual with much needed advice, insight, wisdom and council. Equally I was reminded how truly thankful for my own glasses and pitchers of my own lemonade and for my, now double daily douses of small and simple graces to get me though my life in my days as a mommy of two precious babies. I have also come see and understand how often I say the darkest things to my babies but I know of what I wish to teach them through those mommiess.

The new lessons that have come in my second verse of my motherhood is a closer look at my roles as mama and how my roles have changed since becoming a mama of two babies and as I continue on my journey as a mama. I have reflected upon balancing my roles of Martha, Cinderella, Mary and desperately wishing to be Samantha or at least have. her neat little trick. I have pondered even more the great importantance, more than ever, of time with my girl friends, my mommy time outs and just making sure of getting my sips, breaths, breaks and my ‘I feel pretty’ self care. Being a mommy of two is much the same in the second verse as in the first verse and its often just a double dose and expanded from what it was when I was just a a mommy of one baby. Which for me just testifies to the more greater need for my mommy time outs, time with girl friends, and my self care. I know that what I truly want more than anything and more than ever now is to be and do my very best for my babies and family is possible with these new lessons of motherhood and of life I have learned and acquired in my journey as a mommy.

In considering all that I have seen, done, learned and experienced as a  mommy and my journey through this second verse of motherhood has shown me these things to be true. First of all my motherhood matters much and I am now first, foremost and forever mama. As a mommy I wish to always, always treasure cherish these beyond measure priceless and precious most special necklace of rare jewels that will always be around my neck in my heart my babies and their sweet arms wrapped around me. May I always put my babies and family first and ensure that my babies know that they are more than just a minute to and are worth all the my seconds, minutes, hours and days in my life and world and then some to me. I must be able to find and keep the balance through my mommy tools for myself, my babies and my family. I must always strive to do and be my very and utmost best for her and my family. In doing these things and always, always through loving my babies and my family no matter what journeying together hand and hand I know I will, although not perfectly or without struggle, difficulty, due diligence or hard work, succeed in  my journey through motherhood. I know I will be able to build and give myself, my babies and my family the house of cards of motherhood that I want build upon a foundation of strength, confidence, independence, courage, kindness, respect, beauty and love. May I always dare to find my own way and travel my own journey as a mommy. May I always dare to give and be the very best mommy for my sweet precious babies and family. May we as mommies continue to journey on through motherhood learning, growing, evolving and taking our breaths, sips and going in strength, courage and confidence for our children and families.

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For Better or Worse I am MaMa

In the journey of life we travel down all sorts of paths and come across endless doors to go through or not go through. This journey of life is all about choices, making choices and choosing which choice to make. In traveling on our journey we often wonder which way or direction to go. We consider which way is the right way or which door to open might be wrong or right for us in our life’s journey. Also in reflecting what to choice one may also pounder if I chose this door or path then what about the other one or if in choosing one or the other where will the one we chose lead us. Choices and choosing our choices can be most challenging and confusing. How does one go about figuring out, knowing and choosing the door to open or the path to follow. How do we know as individuals that the choices we make are the right ones and the paths we choose to follow are the correct direction to journey forward in our life. These are all question that anyone journeying through life must face and ask themselves about their course.

In my journey as a mommy I have found my journey much to be the same as it is in life. Being a mommy and going through motherhood I have found it is filled with endless choices, making choices and knowing how to choice which one and when to make them. These choices and making choices are in everything and every aspect of being a mommy form the small to the very big things. Becoming a mommy is the our first choice in a long journey of countless choices. We chose the name of our child and how to brig them into this world and about doctors and hospitals. We make choices about training, discipling of our babies and the life lessons we will teach them. We chose whether to breast or bottle feed and what type of formula, we chose whether to work or stay home and we if we work we have to choose between day care, the use  or a nanny or if so fortunate then family for child care. We make choices about home school, public or privet school. We make choices about routine, schedules, bed time and feeding times. We choose things regarding tv, screen time, educational tools. We chose about quality or quantity in music, movies, tv, books video games, apps. We make decision regarding play dates where, when, how and who to have play dates with. There are numerous choices regarding food, diet and nutrition. I wonder if motherhood and parenthood shouldn’t be called choicehood there choices to be in absolute any and every area of being a mommy and our babies lives.

As mommies we have to make these choices with the best knowledge we have at the time for our babies and our families. I know for me that what makes this such an incredibly hard process sometimes because I desire to do my very best and the utmost for my daughter, my son and my family. There are often times in the midst of trying to figure out which way to go or and which choice to choose you don’t have complete information or there is simply no way to tell if that is truly the best decision. I know I have had many times and still do wonder did I really make the right choice that was best for my babies and family. If I didn’t make the right choice what will happen, what will be affected and how will it affect other things  and choices I have to make. Its almost like if as a mommy I was aimlessly and blindly journeying through my motherhood, This has made me wonder and question at times in the deepest part of my mind was my mothering or me as a mommy was I the best for my daughter, for my son and what if they had another mommy that wasn’t me, who didn’t make my decision or who wasn’t visually impaired and could do more for them These moments of wondering and questioning were a consequence of one of my mommy valley moments and were much more common in my more virginal mommy moments and lessened as I grew into be being an experienced expert mommy regarding my babies and family.

The answer to these question could it be that is to be found in my own journey itself. It is through my learning, growing, experience and traveling I find what I seek and the answer to the questions that I ask. Moreover the answers to be found in my own journey may reveal that in fact the answer is that regardless of the outcome of the choices I make as long as I am learning, improving, growing, experiencing and journeying on there is no right or wrong answer because it’s through my learning I will find what I seek. Furthermore it could be in my own evolutionary journey from virginal mommy to being the ultimate expert in my babies and family that I figure out the choice, which choice to make and when to make and that my choices are the right choice for my children and family.

Thus as a mother as long as I strive to do my very best and utmost, always keep going, put one foot in from go the other, never ever quite or give up then I know I can continue to journey on and figure it all out and find my answers through doing the journey of motherhood. In and through my own journey as a mommy I will find and have the answers and solutions for my daughter and son and my family. Whether or not the outcome of my choices as a mommy is for better or worse at the end of my journey my daughter, my son and family will have me and my love and know I did my utmost and very best and will stop at nothing to do so and journeying on and that is always for the better. Through it all the ups/down, virginal/expert, good, bad, ugly/highs/lows, mountaintops /valleys, positives /negatives I am their mama no one else I’m the only one and I will do my best for them and may that be enough. I’m still and always be here and love them no matter what and will journey on as their mama. May I always know and believe that my best is good enough and I have given my best and in doing that is what is better for my daughter, my son and my family. May we always as mothers believe and have faith and confidence in ourselves, our own choices and our own rainbows of true colors and that is what is truly for the better of our babies sand families.

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My Rainbows of True Colors as a Mommy

We live in a world that is filled with amazing, wonderful diverse things and is a most beautiful and magnificent creation. One of the most wonderful, striking and beautiful things about the world is all the amazing brilliant colors that are most evident and seen everywhere and in everything. Each color is just as brilliant, diverse, unique and different as from all the others that are and equally diverse, unique and different as creatures and people. Each color in the world represents, symbolizes and communicates something in the world. In every color the truth about that creation is represented and communicated.  When all the colors are put together collectively we are given a most brilliant and beautiful aspect of nature a rainbow. The rainbow in of itself represents, symbolizes and communicates its own message. Just as nature and the world represents, symbolizes and communicates something in and through its colors so do we as uniquely and diverse people. We as women and mothers who have our own true rainbow of colors to show our babies, our families and the world. I have to wonder how do I and us as mothers do this for our babies, families and the world. What do we want our true colors to be that we communicate, demonstrate and that represent us a women and mommies.

For myself as a mommy I have my own colors that I represent, communicate and demonstrate to my babies, my family and the world through my words, actions, beliefs, ideals, values, character and personality who I am what my collective rainbow symbolizes represents and communicates. I believe and hope these things are true of me as individual and as mommy. I am hard working, dedicated, determined, strong, independent, president and tenacious. I have perseverance, resourcefulness, I am organized and resilient. Although far, far from perfection and I have my moments I strive and hope to have colors of patience, respect, understanding, compassion, hope, faith, love, kindness, strength, courage, mercy, grace and humility, There are moments and days where my rainbow of true colors may not show for it is clouded and covered by gray and blackness of rain clouds and storms of anger, frustration, stress, worry, doubt, lack of confidence, being frazzled, short tempered, and fear. I have to wonder as a women, wife and mommy what colors are showing and being demonstrated more the rain clouds or storms or the my rainbow. I have to wonder will be my rainbow of true color I demonstrate, show and communicate to my daughter and son, family and the world.

In motherhood it is most profoundly significant and fundamental that we teach our babies the life lesson of being true to themselves, be comfortable and accept themselves for who they truly are, know and show their true colors and feel free to be themselves and show that to the world. In a journey as a mommy I have asked myself how do I teach and show my children how to be true to themselves and show, shine and not be afraid of their true colors. In my journey as a mommy I have found the answer to this question lies in a doing a couple of things. First of all teaching my babies how to be true to themselves and show her true colors starts with what I teach them through my own example in my own words, actions, beliefs, values, ideals and character. I as their mommy must do what I preach and teach but also I take the teachable moment to communicate and show them how to do so for herself. I tell my daughter and all the time you have to work hard, never quite, never give up, you start what you finish, it takes practice, keep trying and you’ll get it, dream big, you can do anything you put your mind to and work hard, drams come true among countless other things. Also though along side this communication of these life lessons, values, ideals, beliefs and character that represent what I want to be my true colors I give evidence of this by showing them what I have done in my life as I’m teaching her to do for herself. My daughter and son may not understand fully now at their ages but they will grow in their understanding as they grows but I have shown them my first book and talk to them about the progress on my current writing projects, I have shown them the piece of paper that resulted form all my hard graduate work, I would explain to them that when I went to Panera’s to study this what I had to do reach my goals and dreams and that my hard work would pay off. I have showed them that I never or nor will i ever quit or give up. I tell them that I have reached my dreams and that she is the ultimate dream come true.

Secondly what is involved in me showing my daughter and son how to be true to themselves and their own unique beautiful rainbow of colors is found in me learning how and being comfortable in my own true colors and skin and not being afraid to have that be represented in what I show and demonstrate to my babies, family the world. This is much more easily said than done and for me has been a constant struggle and battle my whole life in many ways and respects. I have struggled with this in part largely due to my disability and visual impairment. I have struggled with my own abilities, inadequacies, being enough, being sufficient or competent and intelligence. In way related to my disability these things have also been a struggle for me in journey as a mommy. This will also be a struggle for me but over the course of my lifetime in some ways and areas it has improved and some not so much. I think this can be a process. I believe that yes if even if and when I am struggling with my own true colors a mommy and women I must find a way to show my babies confidence in the midst of an internal or personal struggle and challenge. This lesson also can be taught, demonstrate and learned through just doing it, putting one foot in from of the other continuing on moving forward and keeping trying amidst the challenge and struggle. The third aspect and way of teaching this life lesson to my babies as their mother is in the message of the rainbow itself a rainbows represents, symbolizes and communicates hope and a promise of something to come. Thus maybe the key to teaching my daughter and son this lesson is in the promise and hope of the rainbow itself.  The answer is in the promise of me as their mommy to my daughter, son and to my family will always, always do my very best and utmost for them. That I will always keep continuing on, moving forward in this journey, putting one foot in front of the other and never ever quoting or giving up.

In my journey as a mommy I hope and desire that my rainbow of true colors is comprised of colors of strength, dedication, determination, independence, resiliency, tenacity, perseverance, respect, understanding, compassion, hope, faith, love, kindness, generosity, mercy, grace, confidence, courage and humility and that it will always be seen, demonstrated, communicated and shine through to my daughter, my son, my family and in my motherhood. As long as I’m true to myself, my beliefs, ideals, values and character my true colors will be able to be seen, demonstrated, communicated and shine through for my babies and family.
As long as my rainbow of colors are shown, demonstrated, communicated and shine through and not the rain clouds and storms of my gray and black colors of anger, frustration, stress, worry, doubt, lack of confidence, being frazzled, short tempered, and fear I know I can and will be able teach to my children how to show, demonstrate, communicate and shine their own true brilliant and beautiful colors of their own unique and beautiful rainbow for themselves, own life, journey and the world. May I as a mommy always, always strive to know, be free and comfortable showing, demonstrating, communicating and shining my own true, brilliant, unique and beautiful rainbow of my true colors for myself, my children, my family, in my motherhood and to the world. May we as mommies never ever fear to be true to ourselves and know, show, demonstrate, communicate and shine each of our own true, brilliant, unique, and beautiful rainbow of true colors to our children, our families and the world.

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Memorable Monments in My Motherhood

Memorable Moments in my motherhood

In my journey and life as I have and will continue on traveling in my journey I have experienced moments that I have cherished and treasured and will for the rest of my life and journey. It is in these moments that I have tucked away and store in my heart and these moments have become the most memorable memories of my lifetime. Some of these are moments from my earlier or younger life along with such moments from my adult years. I have an abundance of memorable moments with my friends and the memories we have shared and made together. I have my memories taken from my moments with my family. Also my life’s scrapbook has been made up of memorable moments from graduation from high school and college and the completion of my graduate work. In my own journey as a writer has added to the memorable moments in my life’s scrapbook. Moreover my journey of love has also added moments of sad and happy memories alike. The last part of my life’s scrapbook has had moments taken from my faith and made into memories that I have stored and shared with others. I look back and see a journey that has been and will continue to be a most memorable one that has given me my life’s scrapbook.

Since becoming a now and forever more MaMa I have experienced the same as being the mommy to my daughter and son. As discussed in the last chapter there has been endless moments I have savored and stored in my mommy heart. In my savoring of the sands of times and changing seasons I have made in my own way of sorts my own motherhood scrapbook to keep and tucked away forever in my heart. My mommy scrapbook filled and continues to fill my heart to the point of overflowing. Memorable snapshots that are in my heart started at the very beginning with the birth of my daughter when I saw, held, touched and looked at her for the very first time. Then more snapshots followed with seeing her grow, change and develop. In the moments of hearing her say MaMa and I love for the very first time along with the snuggles, cuddles and holding my baby girl is what gave and gives my mommy heart joy and filled my mommy scrapbook. Another memorable mommy moment for me was the day of her first birthday. As my daughter continues to grow and getting to see her learning and having accomplishments adds to my joy and my mommy heart over flowing with treasured memories such as her first milestones, being proud of her own achievements such as learning to write her ABC’s, learning to read, her completion of her kindergarten year, riding her bike and see her growing in her Karate and her excitement about Karate. Also for me and my daughter two of the most awesome and memorable moments that I considered myself most honored and privileged to have been there for was the morning of Nov 20, 2016 we sat at the bus stop and she accepted Christ into her heart as her Savior and likewise when she got baptized on Jan 3, 2016 I know as I continue to journey forward hand in hand with my daughter learning, growing, laughing and loving my heart will only continue to overflow with my mommy memories and my mommy scrapbook will only expand and be added to with more memories from the future chapters of my journey as a mommy. I look to my daughter’s future first in later years of high school, college and beyond. I look forward to the graduations, the memories and milestones of a young woman’s life, family and babies as she travels on in her own life journey.

After the birth of my son in 2013 and the start my journey with him and continuing my journey with both my babies I have collected more mommy snapshots to tuck away in my mommy scrapbook. I equally love and cherish similar moments with my son as I had with my daughter of my son’s firsts like when I saw, held, touched and looked at her for the very first time with my son. Then more snapshots followed with seeing my son grow, change and develop. In the moments of hearing he said MaMa and I love for the very first time along with the snuggles, cuddles and holding my baby boy is what gave and gives my mommy heart joy and filled my mommy scrapbook. As my son continues to grow and getting to see him learning and having accomplishments adds to my joy and my mommy heart over flowing with treasured memories such as his first milestones, being proud of his own achievements such as learning his ABC’s, learning to read, his passions for his dinosaurs, animals, and sea creatures. Seeing his own unique personality, way his mind works and his little expressions just as his sister has her own in all these areas well. I must say since becoming a mommy of two babies one my new set of memories and snapshots to tuck and keep in my mommy scrapbook that is when I get to love, snuggle, hug and cuddle both of my sweet precious babies at the same time and be with both of my babies that I treasure and cherish so much. One of my absolute favorite and warms my heart is seeing my two babies together. Seeing how they respond to each other, care and love each other, how my daughter cares and loves her brother and my son cares and loves his sister. I love seeing them growing, learning, playing and working together. I love when they protect, care for and love each other its the best and make my mommy heart so happy and I treasure and cherish all it of it.

As a mommy our memorable moments can be anything and be found in any and everything from the small moments to the big moments. For me its even in the smallest of moments that I see my sweet baby’s face and smile and hearing their amazing laugh or giggle and seeing the purpose of their face is happiness and joy that can be memorable. Just as in anything in life and motherhood what one mommy finds a memorable moment to add to her mommy scrapbook and tuck away in her mommy heart will be different from one mommy to another.  As I continue on my journey as a mommy may I always and forever find and see the memorable moments. May I always and forever embrace, savor, cherish and treasure these precious and priceless moments with my babies and my motherhood. May I never ever forgot any of these precious and priceless memories of my journey as a mommy and of this journey of a lifetime. I want to have my collection of mommy memories forever permanently imprinted and written on my mommy heart and never to be loss or forgotten and always kept safely stored and remembered in my mommy scrapbook from the moment of birth and seeing my sweet babies and forward to all the memories that has been and will be in my journey as her mommy. This is a journey of a lifetime and I wish to remember it always in my heart and through my lifetime. May we as mothers always, always and forever seek, find and make the memorable moments with our babies and families. May we always remember and savor these memories that build the foundation of our house of cards of our motherhood and may we never forget these memorable moments of our lifetime and journey as mommies.

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