When did I bcome Mommy and Daddy

Ever since I can remember I know I wanted to be a mommy. I remember writing a journal to my future babies when I was growing up. At some point in my journey I become aware this might not be possible or at least difficult although until I tried no one knew for sure. At the risk of TMI in the female department my body has never been normal and worked right without the help of birth control. All I know I had a messed up body and wanted to some day have babies. In the world of fertility and infertility which can be a most heart-wrenching and heartbreaking world and journey for countless women and couples which I can’t and have not to imagine or experience. This is a road I never had to travel to much or for to long with not as much difficulty that may have been thought would have been the case for me. If you are reading this and are either having such a journey or had journey like this I’m so beyond truly sorry. For me and my husband we were most fortunately and blessed to have a much smoother road to travel than expected that would lead me to my entrance into my journey into my motherhood in 2010.

In all my years of hoping and dreaming to become a mama and have a family I expected and hoped to enter into the journey of motherhood. I expected and looked forward to having all that came with it and experience all that motherhood involved. As I write these current chapters on my journey as a mommy I have written three other books that discussed, shared, chronicled or documented my own personal journey that I have traveled through my own motherhood from becoming a new, virginal mommy with the birth of my baby girl, then the second and third book on my journey through becoming a mommy of two precious and sweet babies. I never envisioned or thought my journey would had taken me in this new and unexpected direction. I never dreamed in a million years nor did I want to that I would have to come to the knowledge and experience of traveling my journey through motherhood solo and as a widow. This was the new and unexpected turn and plot twist in my own journey and journey as a mommy. I never thought I would be writing this current book on what it is to parent solo.

Okay so life is kind of funny in a way but not really funny and it has been said make plans and see what happens. Life has a most interesting and very sick ironic sense of humor. But trust me I’m not laughing and most not happy about this in the least bit. For better or worse here I am a widow, solo parenting and doing this on my own. One of the first questions that has come in my mind and is one of the ares that gives me much concern and worry is that when did I become mommy and daddy too. I know how and when it happened and believe you me I’m fully and painfully aware. This is a role I didn’t want and didn’t ask for or did I sign up for this when I entered into my journey through motherhood. I’m a woman and I’m not a man obviously and so I how can I do both. I know of and how to be a girl and a woman I am not and know not of what it is to be a man. Yet as a became a mother of the second time in 2013 it was to a beautiful, sweet precious baby boy. Oh shut the front door I’m so screwed aren’t I. It at least feels that way. I don’t know what to do with the role of both mommy and daddy. I wanted and did become a mommy not daddy to boot too.

This absolutely has nothing do do with any preconceived notions or ideas based in the sociological, culture or societal expected or assumed roles of gendered. This is simply put the fears, obsessive worries, concerns and anxiety of a completely new and virginal mama to being a widow, solo parenting and have now to be both mommy and daddy. We all have seen, heard and stories and the research on both sides of this parenting coin. The coin being that one side saying and advocating for the power and strength that can be given to a child/ children form a a single strong parent influence on their life. The other side of this coin is that what we hear are the voices in the societal chorus of what happened when childern are left fatherless or what is said when a child is left fatherless but had a strong male role model who stepped up to feel the void in their lives and what impact that had in their lives. For me I see the merit and validity in both because neither side can be denied the truth in their position and the true stories of testimony they each have to back up their position. Then again seeing and understanding both sides causes for me much conflict and concern. Which is in fact the case in reality and what will be true for my babies in their own lives depending on what our future journey holds whether is for them to not have a father figure again in their lives or if they do have one in their lives down the road.

How do I find my way through this aspect of my journey I am woman and mommy not man and father. How do I carry both and teach my babies both parts of what i needed in their lives. How do I demonstrate and teach my son what it is to be a man and grow into the godly man, husband and father roles that he may have as a man. How do I show my daughter what it is to follow a godly man as a women and wife. How do I show her what it to look for and what it is to have a godly man and husband and father in her life. I fear much and that I in and of myself is inadequate to be able to provide this for them. Moreover in the ways I know to strive to provide this foe my babies what if that is found to fall short of the irreplaceable value of having that lived out for a child on a daily base in their lives. Just thinking and writing this is overwhelming. How do I provide this and and demsotrate this for my babies when I’m only a woman and mama but yet have to be mommy and daddy at the same time. I don’t think there has been any one area of my journey as a mommy/parent that has made me feel so completely and absolutely virginal since becoming a mama then this idea of being a mommy and daddy to my babies.

I wish I had the answers and not feel so lost in this part of my new journey as a solo parent. Being has always been and even more so now the very most important thing to me and job that I have ever had. I always wanted and strived to do my absolute very best and do right by my babies. For me at this point in my journey the stakes seem all that much higher and dire. I can’t not risk failure or not succeeding there is to much riding on me being a successful solo mommy. I have to wonder which side of the parental coin will I ended up on and that will be true for my babies. Anytime people comment or say what kind of job i’m doing a a mommy I say ask me in 16 years when my babies are 21 and 18 and i’m at the end of the main part of my solo parenting marathon. I may not have the answers and still have a lot to figure out I know that the verdict rendered on my parenting and my journey as a solo parent will only be know in time. In the mean time I can only strive to do my very best for my babies and hope that in striving to do that it will render a successful verdict in 16 years. Stay tuned.

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I have no choice in these matters

In all my studies I would say I’m most defiantly a advocate of the idea of choice theory, which stems form Rational Choice Theory, and the profound value of choices in life. In one’s life journey one is faced with constant and countless choices and more choices at every turn. This theory is defined as and based on the idea or framework of that social behavior results from the behavior or actions of the individual actors, thus each individual actor or person is making their own individual decisions or choices. One can be faced with the most insignificant to the most enormous choice. Some our choices in life are and seem minor and of very little importance or consequence but then again there are some choices that are and seems be equally major and of much importance and profound significance that have altering and changes of one’s course in life. I have devoted extensive writing on the topic of choices relevant to my own journey through my motherhood and the choices my babies also have to make. While this is absolutely true and still is true my new, different and unexpected journey in life and as has taught me a most important lesson. Despite life and one’s own life journey having constant and countless choices there are some seen or unseen junctures that one comes to that he or she was absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt was not given choice in this matter. A persons has come to a point in his or her journey where they had no say or voice and definitely were not consulted about or in the changing course and path of their own life journey. In my own life’s journey I can say this has been a large part of my reality and truth from the very start of being born into a world without my sight and then having to deal with my disability my entire life. I can now say in 2017 this also equally true of my journey through my motherhood.

In April 2017 I was painfully made and reminded of this fact of not being consulted or given a choice in the course my journey would now take. It was in April 2017 that the course of my journey in life and my motherhood was irreversibly, irretrievable and forever changed never to be as it was ever again. It’s as if this life event and my new journey was a storm or storm system of complete destruction that came roaring through and demolishing, crashing and shattering any and everything its path which my life, all my hopes, dreams, desires and my world.
April 4, 2017 at 9:00pm (eastern time) I would find myself to be a widow, solo mommy and now on a new and unexpected journey that I I can absolutely promise you I did not in any way or in no uncertain terms did not ask for nor would I ever.
I did not ask to loose the love of my life. I was not consulted in my babies loosing their daddy. I was asked about becoming a widow and a solo mom who is disabled at 38. I was not given a choice in having to start this new, unfair, unjust, and unexpected journey in my life. I was not asked if I wanted to do this, start this new course of my life’s journey. I was not consulted on how I would feel about these matters. I had no say or input when I found myself thrown into this new course, storm and nightmare of my life’s journey. In that singular moment on April 4, 2017 It was as if and I felt like I had be a victim of life’s highway robbery at gunpoint and life had taken everything I wanted, my hopes, my dreams and held dear. All I could do is stand there and watch as it was happening and came crashing down around me as life just stole and ran away into the night with what was mine never to be had or seen again. I was given no choice about losing the life, reality and world I and my babies had and starting a new journey, life, reality and world without my beloved John and their amazing daddy. Life at times can be as much as like the weather, the seasons and mother nature who no more can be wrangled, reigned in or controlled than the storms of our lives.

Forced to face a life event and circumstance that I didn’t ask for and wasn’t my choice I had and now have to consider what is one to do when dealt a hand in life that was definitely bad luck of the draw and not of my own choosing. I must consider what and where do I go from here now in this new course that I was forced to face and into. If I or any of us are given things we didn’t chose or ask for then how do we have a choice in life as to where we travel. More importantly how do we keep traveling our journey and in doing so what options and choices do we have and that are ours to make. How can we feel as if we have any choices or options when we have been back into a corner by life and feel as if were are completely and absolutely out of control, spinning totally out of orbit and absolutely rendered powerless with no options. In the moment I learned my beloved John’s passing and in endless moments since over the last 18 months I have felt all of this. There is little that I understand and certain of now and especially in the first fresh moments of my new journey. Its most odd to know that in the very same instance you feel you have no choice you must make a choice.

As I have travel my journey as a widow and solo mommy I have been taught that I’m so strong, brave, strong and that I had a choice. I don’t know all about that but what I say is that no I didn’t have a choice. While yes I didn’t choice the change in my course of my journey but also for me it was a choice I had to make or it wasn’t negotiable as whether or not I would what I had to do as a mommy, for my baby and family. It’s foreign to me for the idea that I could had chosen differently regarding what I had to do for my babies and family. How it is possible for one to have no choice but yet within the not having a choice must make choices. The only I can present to try to answer this is now in my new journey its s much the same as it has been my whole life. I wasn’t given a choice to be born blind and deal with a disability my whole life but I did and have to chose what I will do with what I was dealt as journey through life with a disability. Equally I didn’t choice this life event and new reality but I had to and keep having to choose what I will do even though for me it was a choice to be made its just what I had to do and what must be done in my journey.

In times of life and our journeys that we travel as mommies, women and individuals maybe the key to take our control and power back and feeling as if we grounded and balanced and not spinning out of orbit is in being back into the corners of life we seek to discover where we can have options and choices in admits the storms that come that we didn’t choose. In discovering the ways and aspects in which we can have a say or choice as we travel our own journeys may we find the freedom needed to continuing to travel. Could it be that in seeking to find the things I can choice, then choosing them and continuing to do as I continue to travel my new journey as a widow and solo mama that is what it is meant and is to have strength, bravery and courage when backed into the corners of life bye unchanging, raging storms of life. In those moments if I’m found left standing, not dashed on the rocks or washed away by the rising flooding waters of storms in my life then maybe just maybe I can see the choices that are in my path I travel. Just maybe I can find the freedom to keep making the choices I find in my journey so that I can continue travel unhindered, untethered and unentangled by the trappings of life’s storms that come unwanted, uninvited and knocking at my door. May I always and forever strive to seek the choice that are in my path and that i will continually make the choses that are mine and mine alone to choose. May I continually strive to travel my journey in freedom unencumbered by the trapping corners’s of life. In striving to do these things may I be found standing and not dashed upon the rocks and swept away by the rising flooding waters of the the storms of my life. May I be found steadfast, firm, strong, brave, and courageous in the face of my life’s storms so that I may freely continue traveling my journey for myself, my baby and our family.


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The life in my day as a mommy on my new journey.

In starting journeys or new adventures we often have many questions. We wonder what is going to happen or what we should expect. I think that is the hardest part of starting new things, going on new adventures and journeys is not knowing what to expect. I think that is one of the greatest fears that stops people for experiencing new things in life or starting out on new journeys is the fear of the unknown and uncertainty. It can be most scary not knowing and going into the unknown. I know for me I do much better when I have knowledge, information and plans in place. I don’t do well with not knowing and find it most challenging when I feel as if I’m floundering. Until April of 2017 I felt as if I had learned much along my journey through motherhood and had made much progress in the mommy spectrum form virginal to expert mommy. How all that would change and no longer feel true for me as my journey would have a new plot twist and be forever changed in April of 2017.

There are no better words than what was said in one of the episodes of Daniel Tiger they were talking about traveling somewhere new and they were saying some things are different but some things stay the same. In time where there was and still much uncertainty I knew a few things to be certain. I knew everything had changed and would never be the same. I knew I and my babies were and forever more on a new journey. Also I knew that here now going forward after April 4, 2017 i had absolutely no clue what to expect in this new, unexpected and uncertain journey and I had much to learn as I had to travel on this new and unexpected journey as a widow and solo mommy.

Over the last 19 months and counting of this new journey I have been learning and will continue to learn and see all the ways that things are the same and just how very much things are different. I think back to the first six years of my journey through my motherhood and compare and contrast it to my days in in this new and continual journey as a solo mommy. The ways that things are the same in my days in the life of being a mommy is whether I was parenting with my beloved husband or now as a solo mommy I still have my busy mommy roles and tasks. I still wash clothes, clean, do dishes, prepare meals, mange the bills and social calendar. I still get the babies ready in the morning and handle the bedtime routine. When I had my husband he was military and so many times I, for lack of better term, managed or took care of the home front. I’m still doing, as solo mom, what i did from about 6am oil 7:30 pm when I was married and had my beloved partner. My day form beginning to bedtime is very much the same. In some ways that might be what has made it some what manageable for me to keep doing this day in and day out after loosing my husband. For one thing I don’t have a choice and I’m doing what I have to do. Also though its what I have always done and have done for the six years prior to April 2017. In that respect it felt no different for me at least with regards to that part of my day in my life as a mommy.

Even though there are some areas and ways in which my days are similar to my days in my life before April 4, 2017 there countless and profoundly different ways that my days in my new life that are completely different and forever changed never to be the same again. Yes I’m doing what I have to do and handling the day in and day out as if, at times, I’m still on auto pilot or going through motions. But there is much that is different and that will never be again. After the kids are in bed and my mommy day has come to end it is defeating the difference I notice daily. It is me and me alone now and forever more. The big difference in my daily routine from before and now is the time from about anywhere form 3:30, on a good day, to 6pm ash which impacted our family time we had with John along with the weekends when he wasn’t at drill. Then after the kids in bed there is no we or him and I anymore. I think, even thought there is much the kids feel, notice and experience is that there is no more nightly good night hugs, kisses and I love you form him just simply the loving daily presence of their daddy in their own lives and journey.

Its in these daily moments for me and on the weekends, when my kids are at my parents more times than not, the absence of the presence of my love is felt the most and the deafness is most profound. I’m left to have my thoughts, that I can hold at bay and keep out in my daily life as a mommy, come in as unwelcome guest who prefers to ask forgiveness then permission. I’m a victim that has become chained or enslaved to the my own devices of my mental entanglements of my new reality in my mind as if a plate of spaghetti that can will never unravel. All of this is the result and reminder of my new journey and reality of being a without my beloved John, a widow and solo mommy. The symbolism of all this is the embodiment of the biggest difference in my life in days as a solo mommy now of I’m a solo mommy and widow on my own without my love. This is the biggest and all the difference in my life in my days as a solo mommy and widow.

In our new and unexpected journey as a family whether it’s noticeable to most or not. I and my babies know and feel it daily the profound impact of the differences in our daily lives. In my journey as a widow and solo mommy I have and am trying to make my way through these changes and differences in my own journey, I don’t have all the answers , and there is much I don’t know and that i have to learn but I do know that is a journey I didn’t ask for nor did I want. In most moments it feels as if this is all to much. The only way I know to keep continuing to traveling on this new and unexpected journey is to strive to do my daily life as a solo mommy. I must keep striving to do do my very best for my babies and family. This is what is required of me more than ever before now as a solo mommy but also I know this is what my beloved John would want for me to do. Also this is own way I can honor him and his memory in how i and we live our lives and how I teach our babies to travel their own journey. Life is different and will never be the same but I must as always strive to do my very best for our babies even in this new place and new journey as a widow and solo mommy.

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Closing Time

“Closing Time”
by: Semisonic

Open all doors and let you out into the world
Closing Time
Turn all of the lights on over on every boy and every girl
Closing Time
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey and beer
Closing Time
You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Closing Time
Time for you to go to the places you will be from
Closing Time
This room won’t be open till your brother or sister come
So gather up your jackets, movie to the exits
I hope you have a found a friend
Closing Time
Every new beginning come from some other beginning end

In our culture most are aware and similar with the idea of closing time. The idea of closing time implies a point of conclusion or the idea that time is up on something and that there is a expiration to time that it will expire. Anyone who has been and gone to places understands that there is time when places open and then there is a time when they must close. For instance when shopping we can only go to store once they open we must finish our shopping by the time the store or mall must close for the day. This is equally true with movie theaters and resturants. Likewise one can only go to the bank, see their doctor or dentist, or get their hair done and get or drop of their mail during the hours of the day in which all these places are open. I would wager that this idea of closing time is most thought of in the context of a bar when the bar close and it’s last call for alcohol. In 1998 there was a great song by Semisonic that describes and articulates the idea of closing time very well. How this relates to one’s chance of salvation and spirituality is a sources of much curiosity.

The idea of closing times implies and communicates the assumption that one is invited to take part in something or go somewhere for a time or within the time window of which the event or occasion is taking place. The parallel to one’s salvation is that this invitation to have faith or belief in Jesus, while is always open and extends to all, it has a time frame for which is open. With the conclusion of such a time widow the offer will expire and it will be closing time on the one’s chance of accepting God’s invitation and gift of salvation. Unlike a place of business one may go to and closing time is a matter of that business operating hours. In the case of closing time on the chance of accepting the offer and gift of salvation the end of operating hours in this instance comes in one of two ways. We all experience our own personal closing time when the operation hours of our own
Individual life comes to an and closes. The second closing time and the end of operating hours for all of us is with the end of the world with the retiring of Christ.
In each case we as individuals must choice for ourselves as so much the world chose what we will do and as whole do with the extended invitation and gift of salvation before the close of our and the world’s business at the designated and appointed times of closing.

Consider much the lyrics in “Closing Time” by Semisonic and let’s see how much this exactly parallels to our own and the world’s closing time. We will each as individuals have our own lights go on our own lives and time on earth. We each of us are given opportunities for accepting the invitation and gift of salvation with each chance it would be ones last call to salvation. Why put off the chance to accept such a girt and risk that it may be your own last call and your own closing time for your life. At the end the days of our lives and of this world we and the world won’t be able to stay here but it’s up to us and the world as to where we go once it’s our own and the world’s closing time by the choice we make to accept or not accept the invitation of salvation that has been extended to us and the world by God. The question remains when the room that opens beyond the here and now of earth and this life and all that accepted the invite that are going to accept God’s gift of salvation do you for yourself know who you want to take you to where your ultimate home will be once you are at your own closing time. In sense the world has to answer the same question and for the collective who have said yes to God’s invite of salvation know the ansewr to these questions. It is in and through accepting this invite for the gift of salvation you have found a friend that will call you home at the closing time of your life here on this earth.

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Bouncing and Batting new balls in my new joureny

Many things in motherhood once they are done it’s like riding a bicycle. This is is true of countless things that we do on a daily basis. At this point in my journey I gotten the hang of managing my time, know what to privatized and have a good daily routine and a good mommy routine. I have figured a lot of stuff out over the last six years. I figured out how to spread my time between being a mommy, student (for five years), family time and time with my love. I have learned to stay on top of the daily grind and chores of being a mommy. I have even gotten decent that juggling and trying to master multitasking of motherhood. I done my best to keep the balls of motherhood up in the air and in motion. Although I my groovy flow that I had done my best to master would now be interrupted and thrown for a unforeseen devastating and life shattering loop. This curve ball of life that sent my grove into orbit would introduce new balls that would throw off my balance. I have now found myself having to learn how to get my balance back and juggle more balls than ever and that I ever thought would be possible as a mommy, woman or human.

It is true that I still in my daily life I still have to juggle the balls of house work, laundry, cooking, kids homework, appointments, activities, morning and bedtime routine and so many more. Even though those balls and juggling them are very much the same there are equally many more if not more so many different balls that are now in my juggling act. This is true on many levels and there have been several different dynamics added to my juggling act and life as a widow and solo parent. I guess in this journey as a widow and solo mommy there are three major devastating things that impact my juggling act and life. Even thought many of the balls that are bounced and juggled are the same it seems like its more to juggle because I’m the one and only doing the juggling, bouncing and batting of the balls which in a way is a new ball to have to juggle at least how it changes the dynamic of my life and world. Another aspect that throws off the balance in this new juggling act is that its I and I alone who does it all there is no one to back me up, fall back on and to rely on and defer to. At the end of a day there is no partner waiting for me, no one to talk to about the juggling act, my day, my life. This is juggling and doing life solo with no co-coach to have as your backboard and cheerleader squad at all the same time. This and all that entails of immense and immeasurable and so much loss and grief having to navigate that too all at the same is in surmountable. At night it’s just me, myself and I with my thoughts as I watch tv or Netflix as a empty and feeble attempt to fill the constant, never ending and profound and deep as a bottomless pit void of looniness and isolation.

These new new dynamics in of itself is a dynamic to itself. These two new aspects to my journey as a widow and solo parent create a third and equally devastating and defeating impact on me and my life. It is in knowing that these two added balls creates a third that is so draining and overwhelming it feels as if it will suck all the life out of me and that I am to become the walking dead. I have a constant sense of emptiness that was never there before and seems to never leave me. This creates a fourth dynamic to my journey the profound heaviness of the weight of these three dynamics that presses down on me makes the basic juggling of everyday life an overwhelming, seemingly impossible endeavor. This task of juggling daily life every day that was overwhelming in years gone by but that I had mastered no longer seems so easily done. I feel as if it is impossible and that I will never mastered the daily juggling act of the life as a widow and solo widow never mind the life and journey overall as a widow and solo parent. The weight of these new dynamics in my juggling act is as if a vampire is sucking everything out of me and my life. The wight that pressed down on me is so beyond draining most days which in turns makes everything much harder to juggle. This is something else to juggle is the vicious circle that i find myself in most days. I feel as my life with all these dynamics is spinning is more and more out of orbit. I wonder if I will ever find my center and regain my balance and get my world back in orbit.

To all us single and solo moms/parents I don’t have all the answers and every day I struggle. Yes the struggle is most certainly real let no one tell you different. There are moments of great anquinsh, despair, desperation and isolation. There are profound times that the crashing waves of sadness, grief, loss, hurt, fear, stress, worry, anxiety, and so indescribable more just flood over me and threaten to pull me over the weight of this journey only to drown me. I’m struggling daily and am still searching for my own answers and figuring out this journey I”m traveling. I’m trying to be okay with that and where I’m at in my life journey. I May not know much but I do know this when it gets to be to much, unbearable and I feel as I’m surely going under and will be drowned by these crashing waves I have learned, although this has not come easily to me, to give myself much much much needed unavoidable grace to take my numerous deep sips, breaths and take my breaks and stop to put my feet up, work on finding my center, balance and focus even it is just simply for the moment that I’m in now. I have learned that I don’t do this in the moments of my new juggling act, life and journey I will most assuredly be pulled under by these flooding crashing waves. Me taking my deep sips, breaths, breaks and stoping to finding what I need is no longer a choice it’s my life line and life persevere for me. If I want to have any hope of being able to withstand these crashing, rushing, flooding waves of my journey as a widow and solo mommy I must when I feel as if I’m surrounded by the waves of my journey I must stop and seek my self preservation in taking my deep sips, breaths and breaks. In my journey thus far being 18 months in I can’t promise much but I can promise this that I will more than ever do my very best and due diligence to withstand the swirling whirling, crashing flooding and drowning waves of being a widow and solo mommy by taking my deeper sips, breaths, and breaks so that I can remain steady, firm, steadfast, strong, courageous and brave as I travel through my
continual journey as widow and solo mommy. May we all as single /solo parents take our deeper sips, breaths and be ready for our own journeys ahead.

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Pandora’s boxes fo my heart to be opened

In writing this article I’m sitting here thinking way back to one of my high school and even college English or Literature classes when I would be studying Greek Mythology. I remember reading about the idea and myth of Pandora box (or jar as originally portrayed). Any of us who have studied this and Greek Mythology may remember the story and idea of Pandora’s box came about when Prometheus stole fire form the heavens and thus the punishment handed out by Zeus, the king of the gods, was to take vengeance by giving Prometheus’s brother Pandora. Pandora was the guilty party in opening the box or large jar and releasing into the world sickness, death and all sorts of unspecific trudges and evils. In mythology it is implied that Pandora considered to close the jar but hesitated for the one thing left in the jar was hope. Since my new journey has started in April 2017 following the loss of my beloved husband and my babies daddy I have often times thought of my heart as my own pandora box of treasures memories of John, our life together and our life as a family.

This may seem as a unlikely and strange parallel or metaphor to compare my new journey as a solo mommy and widow but for me its’ most fitting on several levels and reasons. I have thought over the last 18 moths that I dare not take off the lid to these boxes of my heart that I fear there is no going back. I fear that it will all spew and gush out as if it was as lava from the erupting, uncontrolled and unconfined volcano of my heart and unable confine it or to be closed or stopped. While the memories and contents of my pandora’s box in my heart are most treasured and cherished joyful, happy, pleasant, and pure delight unlike the woes brought upon the world by Pandora in Greek Mythology. I will always and forever beyond words thankful for them and would never for anything trade them and will always and forever love, treasure and cherish them and regret nothing. In the same breathe and moment as I write this that is true so is the fact there will never ever me more memories made with my love, by us and our family to have tucked away in my pandora box of my heart. Our love story and journey was for a short 12 years when it was suppose be forever. Four our most precious babies, my daughter only had 6 years with her daddy and my son only three with his daddy. There will come a day that I dread that will be when each them have lived equal and then loner without their daddy then they did with him.

In opening my pandora box of my heart and allow the memories to flow its’s a bitter sweet process that is a double edge sword filled with the new reality of and/both. In opening my pandora box is likened to the woes released on the world by Pandora. In my own heart, life and world in opening my own box it is if I have released all the woes of my heart, life and journey that I now experienced as a widow and solo momma. In opening the flood gates of my heart and box its as if I’m releasing the gushing, spewing and out pouring of much, immense, profound and immeasurable loss, sorrow, sadness, grief, misery, messiness, devastation of my broken and shattered heart. My heart is filled with the woes of having lost the love of my life, the father of our babies, a new life to be lived without him in it ever again. I now am faced with the new reality of having travel the journey forever more solo as a women, a widow, as mommy in my life. There are times and moments where I feel as if the weight of this all will cause me to be crushed , to be drowned and destroyed by the weight of this much like what threaten the world when Pandora released all the woes, tragedies, sorrow and evil on the world by opening the jar. My woes come from knowing that for me and my babies there are endless and countless boxes, stories and chapters to come that will be experience and written without and never to be shared with our beyond love, John and daddy as we travel along our new journey. How can anyone wish to open such a box filled with so much pain, hurt, sorrow and suffering.

Thinking back to the story of Pandora’s box there is another, more modern, interruption of this story in Greek Mythology is that the box of Pandora contained blessings to bestowed upon humanity and the world. The idea of hope remaining was thought to have meant to be promising to bestow on each of us good things that have gone away. For me now on my current journey as a widow and solo mama and my babies in this more modern interruption of Pandora’s box here is lies the key for our new journey we now travel. There may be a lesson that I can take away from this story in the Mythology of the Greeks that can enlighten, teach me as a widow and solo mama that I can strive to learn from. In my striving to travel this journey and learn as I go maybe I can teach my babies how to travel their own new journey. Could it be that admits all the loss, grief, sorrow, sadness hurt, pain, misery, heart brokenness, and darkness that fill our hearts that I and in turn my babies are to seek and search out what remains in the pandoras boxes of our hearts hope and the promised found in having hope. For me most instances and moments I feel as i will never see the end of darkness. For me it seems most impossible and that the light given by hope is hidden from me and will never to be found again.

As I travel along my new journey maybe somehow I can have faith and belief that I can cling to hope to sustain me and see me through the constant swirling, whirling crashing destructive, devastateting waves of my loss, grief, sorrow, sadness hurt, pain, misery, heart brokenness, and darkness and that I will be found standing firm, steadfast and not dashed, pulled under only to drown. Maybe if can do that to steady me maybe I can find my way through this and withstand this storm. Through my own striving to cling to the hope in my own pandora box of my heart maybe I can demonstrate, help and teach my precious babies to find hope, cling to hope and seek the light that hope brings and shines to guides on our journey we now travel. May I always look to find the hope, and define what hope means to me no matter how much it may be hidden from me and no matter how and long I have to peruse the hope that is still my pandora box of my heart. May I remember never to give up and always seek and find hope no matter how long I must search and no matter how weary I may be form traveling this journey. I must not subcome to the overwhelming destructive darkness of this journey for I must seek out the light of hope to guide me as I travel this new journey for my and babies sake we travel this journey together.

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The Bible – The Ultimate Road Map

In life and in taking any adventure or journey there is a path to follow or certain direction to take or way to go. In taking such path or direction on one’s journey there are times to make or chart one’s course to set out on for his or her adventure and journey. There are chances to make choices as to which way to take or which direction to go in on one’s journey. In one’s journey one may consider going right or left. It could be considered to head north, south, west or east on ones journey. A person chose a shorter path that might be smother or easier terrain to travel. Someone could chose to take a path that is longer and more rough and challenging to travel.There can be endless reasons for which direction or course a person choosing to take on his or her adventure and journey. It could be taking into account factors such as the speed, time aspects, terrain, weather, climate, level of skill set or ability or it could be their personal preference of what type of adventure they may like or enjoy. There are countless reasons and factors that go into one’s decision as to which direction they take in their own journeying and adventuring. There is another significant question and aspect involved in adventuring and traveling on one’s journey that is what will be the tools used to assist, guide and help one make the decisions as to the directions they take in their adventure and journey.

In previous chapters it has been discussed the topic and idea of which road should we as individuals and as a culture take, chose and travel. In consideration of ones choice of which path to travel and in making this choice one must also consider the question what will be used to guide and help one on his or her own adventure and journey. Much thought should be given to what tools should be consider to use and find useful while on his or her own adventure and journey. A traveler or adventurer may use or take on his or her journey, deepening on the type of adventure being taken, camping gear, water, food, clothes, sleeping bags, hunting gear, medical kit among other needed items or supples. In times gone by many have used compasses and maps to help guide them on his or here adventures and journeys they travel. If one wishes to go even further back in time and history nature has been used to guide people as they adventure and travel their adventures such as the direction of the sun, or the moon or position of the stars and landmarks of the terrain. These all seem archaic or antiquated in this day and age of modern time with modern technology such as GPS systems and google maps and the ability to ask Alexa or Sieery find me or get the directions to wherever you may be going. For us who have chosen the road less taken or traveled which tools will pack to take to use to guide our choices in the path we follow and the directions we go in our own journey of faith.

When one makes the choice to take the road less traveled and pursue his or her journey of faith there are certain tools at our disposal as believers and followers oaf Christ. For one thing we always and forever have our 24/4 lifeline of a calling home to our Lord and Savior and Father anytime, anywhere no matter where we are through prayer and constant and continual conversation with our ultimate Guide in life on this journey our Father. Secondly we can look to our pastors and ministers for counsel and guidance. A third tool and source of guidance, support and assistance as we travel our faith journey is through our fellow adventurers and travelers, our sisters and brothers in Christ, on this journey of faith. We can learn form each other and help, support, encourage, assist and love each other as we travel our own and collective journeys together whether we are traveling in valleys and in the caves of struggle, trails, tribulation, seasons and times of sorrow, grief, challenges and hardships and climbing the mountains or standing on the mountaintops of victory, triumph and success on our own journeys of faith

A fourth tool that we can use along our adventures and journeys of faith and that we can implement to assist and keeping us on and true to our course is map found in the Bible. In God’s word we find truth that is a light for our feet as we travel along our path of faith. We find our instructions and directions to helps find our way to our destination. The words of the Bible, the rules, principles, precepts,, commands and the letters in red which are the words of Christ are likened to coordinates of longitude and latitude on a map or signs one would find on the road they follow in their adventure and journey. Another way of seeing how the God’s word the Bible is a tool to be used and directs us on our path and journey is that when we each come to a crossroad or fork in our journey and have to figure out, decide and make a choice as to which way to continue to travel along this path of faith God’s words give us answers to the question of which way to go now on our journey. The words of the Bible may say go north, east, south, west or on this road for so far or for the foreseeable future until otherwise instructed or directed. God’s words could guide us to now go left, go right, recalculate or redirect so we can get back on track and stay our course.

The map found in God’s word is our road map for our journey of faith and it lays out for us the directions to be followed as we travel forward. These biblical geographical instructions and coordinates always point us to our Father. The words in the Bible are like signs to follow on a road that we are to follow. God’s word is likened to a spiritual GPS it will always points in the direction of and lead us on our journey, helps us to stay true to our charted course and lead us to our ultimate destination. The signs, coordinates, instructions found in Scripture and God’s word for our journey will never mislead us, lead us astray, or fail us as we follow Him and travel awn our journey of faith. Gods’s word and scripture will never be returned or found void and is always constant yesterday, today and tomorrow it is to be found and will always be found correct, accurate and to be true.

As believers and followers Christ not only can we use such tools in our own journey of faith but we can also use these tools to guide, assist, lead, support, and help our culture to collectively chose the road less traveled. We can help to steer our culture in the direction of God and Scripture and help our culture stay true to and on this charted course that leads to the destination of one’s, the collective culture salvation and journey of faith. We can as believers and followers of the Jesus and of the true road map laid out in Scriptures can show our culture and the world the true and only way and shed light along their own path to travel on their journey of faith. May we as followers and believers in Christ go forward in our journey of faith always striving to follow and stay true to the words, signs, instructions and directions laid out by the true and ultimate road map of the Bible. May we always use all our tools of prayer, community and fellowship, and the ultimate Biblical, scriptural and spiritual GPS to always to stay true to the our course and be pointed to our ultimate destination as travel on our journey of faith.

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The Road is paid with good intentions

There is an expression that is used in our culture that has much truth to it and the expression rings true. Have you heard it said the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The idea and what is meant by this expression is that the way to hell or the path traveled to hell it is often done so with good intending of seeing through actions with no result. Another way of thinking of it is understanding the definition of intent which is the act or fact of intending or meaning to do something or with purpose but with no result. This is with anything that one means to do and sets out to do but has no follow or sees it through and achieves what one set out to do. Example of this can be in the most simple and small things or the big things intended like sending a card, text, message or call someone to check on them and reaching out or staying connected and forgetting. Taking something to someone in a time of need and not getting to it. Another example would be to tell or offering to help someone and cancel or not fulfilling the commitment to that person. There are endless examples of such intentions that are good but not completed or seen through and are useless doing no one any good. I know I’m guilty of such and we have been all there for we all make mistakes. We learn that such big or little things could have ramifications. There is a great parallel of to his idea and concept to one’s faith and the path to salvation.

People and culture have often been under the impression or of the belief that one can travel any path to his or her salvation. It has been believed by many that any and eery road will lead them to their salvation. Furthermore it has been believed that one can pick the path of their own choosing to lead them and travel to salvation. There have been many people who have believed and feel that they can achieve and have their salvation through other means and paths that lie outside of Jesus Christ. People often feel, think and believe that they make pick, choose, create their own unique way of achieving salvation. The path and journey to ones true faith and salvation is not a situation that allows for walking or following the beating of one’s own drum and music.

There has been the idea of family /Christian heritage as if one’s faith is passed down through the generation as if it was DNA, genetics or a birth right. This is not to say that there is much to be said for the legacy of family or heritage of faith and Christianity and the influence that can have on an individual or a the whole family through the generations. However this is not the same for an individual to say or believe well my family have the faith and believe so that covers me and thus I’m good. Because of my family has the faith and salvation I’m good and don’t need to come to my own faith journey to salvation. This is may be well intended with much good intent but couldn’t be further from the truth. We are all have to make to choice to have faith , to follow and believe in Christ. No one can make that decision for us or no else’s one choice is our get out faith or belief card because by default of that other person’s we are covered. We are each have to face our God and Creator and have the responsibly to make the choice for ourselves and own lives. Nothing short of our own personal belief, acceptance of Jesus Christ and faith in Him will we each be saved and given our salvation.

Some other ideas or beliefs that people have as to what will save them or lead them to salvation insoles the letter of the law/ legalism, good deeds or works or one’s own personal good choices and morality. These are similar and relevant things in that all three of these ideas and beliefs relate to something we can do, an act we do or don’t do or our ability as individuals. The idea of the letter of the law or legalism is defined as strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence to law or prescription particularly to the letter of the law as opposed to the spirit of the law. Following a strict following or adherence to the law and abiding in all aspects of every law is a impossible task for us as imperfect and sinful beings that we are as humans. Yes we were given the law, yes we should follow and obey the law and yes Jesus came to fulfill the law and not abolish. For imperfect, sinful beings this is something we can’t and never will obtain or achieve it is out of our reach and grasp. It may be well intended and with good intentions to say as an individual I will always and forever every day, every moment follow every aspect of the entire law without faulted or failure but its a foolish and invasion thing to say and to strive for. Even though as humans we may be fools and foolish but this s a fool’s errands for sure that can be completed or done.

Another idea or belief is that be being a strict follower of the law or by my good deeds or works whether related to following the law or not just simply a good act or deed I will be saved and find my salvation. Its as if one believes that I in my lifetime if I do enough good deeds or works that I can be saved or work my way towards one’s salvation. If this is the path to be raveled to one’s true faith and salvation then doesn’t that open a religious can of worms on salvation. I mean who does one know what each good deed or work is worth. How does any of us know how many good works or deed it takes to earn our salvation. How do we know the price of our salvation thus knowing how many good deeds and works would have to be done to equate to the price or cost of one’s salvation to be able to pay the cost and earn one’s salvation. When would we know enough is enough to tip the scale of salvation with the good deeds and woks that would allow for any of us to earn our salvation.

If we ask these questions in this can of religious worms by tour good deeds and works we are saved we must also consider the other side for in life there is always two sides and balance. If way to earn our salvation is through one’s good works and deeds then what would happen to our scale when we do something that is a mistake, a sin or an act or deed that is not a good deed or work. Would this now infraction and blemish of this not good deed or work cause our scale of salvation to be tipped to the other side. Another way to consider this is we have a bank account of spirituality when we do good deeds or works we have a deposit of favor put into our spiritual account that works towards our end investment of our salvation. Then again when we commit a sin, make a mistake or have an infraction we have a withdrawal taken from our spiritual account and works against our positive balance in our spiritual account and our end investment of our salvation. If you follow this logic and argument through it will eventually lead to the question of the how secure and or what security doe we have in our salvation. Just as in an actual banking checking or saving account if to many withdrawals are taken one will draw down their account balance and a have a strong chance of bouncing their account balance into the negative and their account not being in good standing. Then would this be the case and true also of our own personal spiritual account we have at the bank of Letter of the law. If so the only logical spiritual conclusion that one can come to is that the infractions, mistakes and sins that cause continual withdraws from one’s account will eventually lead to one’s bouncing of one account and lost of the ultimate investment of one’s salvation.

This equally is relevant to the third idea of belief that will lead to and ensure one’s salvation of well I’m a good and moral person so that counts and is enough right. This belief and idea is still working on the spiritual account system of deposits of favors or withdrawals. The implication of this logic is that my actions and deeds or work are sufficient, enough and have merit on their own to carry me and earn what I need to be saved. In any of these ideas or beliefs could be more further from the truth. The inherent problem with these ideas and beliefs is the underlying and all encompassing basis of these ideas and beliefs is that one’s salvation can be worked for, work towards or earned. We can not earn or have merit in our own acts, works or deeds. Nothing we can do in our own right or of our own merit could ever be enough to earn salvation. Even more salvation is a gift and gift are given and not earned. Moreover even if we could do enough in acts, deeds or works it is would be fruitless and futile because by the very nature of salvation being a gift it is not erasable. One must think of salvation as if a non returnable check is cut and written to you with your name on it for the solo purpose of deposit into your spiritual account to invest in you and your salvation. There is no expectation of paying this check back or work to be rendered for it. It is completely freely given to you for you and all that you have do is to deposit it into our account. The act of making the deposit is your spiritual account is your acceptance, belief and having faith in this gift that you have been given. Not you now are forever covered and secure in your now found investment of your salvation in and through Christ Jesus and have started your journey of faith and life in Jesus Christ.

Do you wish for your or my salvation to be based on this spiritual banking system of earning and losing for if one has earned one can lose just as easily and quickly as it was earned. Should we have to watch our spiritual accounts daily or hourly to know where we stand as to check our monetary banking accounts balance to see what we have don’t have or earned or lost. What would it be to never know where you stand or to always be uncertain or in doubt of your account standing. What would it be to always have questions of what do we still have to do and earn and maintain our account’s good standing. As believers and followers of Christ we do not have to deal with this messy, unattainable, impossible spiritual can of worms. This is why our faith and salvation as believers and followers of Christ is not work based but faith based and alone by our faith in Christ are we saved. We don’t have to endlessly strive to tip the scales, check or maintain a balance that will ensure our investment of our salvation. Christ has written the check for our salvation and has back it we can take it to the bank and know it’s secure. His backing is more than the FDIC could ever do or promise When we invest by our faith in Christ there is no more deposits or withdrawals to be done. The check has been written, cleared and covered and once those who deposit Christ check they will be saved and secure in that it is by faith alone in Jesus Christ and He is the way and only way to the Father and salvation. May we not as individuals and as a culture choose the imperfect, fallible, impossible spiritual banking system of good deeds or works, one’s morality and legalism but may we chose the true and only way of salvation which is through Jesus Christ Lord and Savior.


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The Ultimate Golden Lottery Ticket

One of my new favorite shows on HGTV is My Lottery Dream Home. I think most people have at least once or from time to time wondered or dreamed what it would be like to when the Lottery. Its fun to think or imagine what one would do with all that money. For me its the typical pay bills, buy a home, take some trips or vacations. I would also save some, invest and help family and friends and finally I would give most to the church or charity. This is what I dream of when I think of the Lottery. In reality most aren’t sitting on the winning lottery ticker or win the lottery. I think for most the reason this is such so appealing and such a amazing falsity is that most feel or think when the lottery will solve all their problems.

Just as it’s said the the money makes the world go round and is the great motivator. It is also what most think will be end all be all to solving their problems. Often times we see that in our world our culture and people are consumed with the idea of pursing money and things that can be bought with money. People are obsessed with all material things and greed. They think their pursuit of happiness can be achieved through the pursuit of and having money. Which is inserting to me because there is an equal of number of people who give evidence to the reality of having money doesn’t make or equal happiness. There are plenty of people who have more money than they could have ever imagined or dreamed of and are no happier with it then they were without it.

This to me proves one thing that there is no such things in this life as golden ticket that can be both to ensure one’s ultimate happiness in this life. There is no amount of traveling or adventures taken that guarantee one’s ultimate and eternal happiness. There is no amount of money, assets, wealth or material things that can ensure one’s permeant happens in this life. Moreover the fact of the matter is that once we leave this earth we can’t take it with us. There is no amount of work that gives us the golden ticket of happiness. There is no amount of knowledge that can give us endless happiness. There is no amount of good health, fortune, wealth or prosperity that can permanently ensure any of our eternal happiness and joy.

The only true knowledge that ensures our eternal joy is the priceless and precious knowledge of the truth of the message of love in power band of salvation and the good news of hope in the gospel of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. It is through Him and Him alone that He is the way to the Father and our salvation. It is only Jesus and Jesus alone we are given the ultimate golden lottery ticket of forgiveness, redemption, mercy, grace, purification, sanctification, and justification. This is truly the ultimate golden lottery ticket that is given and what we have in and through Christ. This is not a two way street and the door doesn’t swing both ways. It is a one way door that lead to salvation that comes form Jesus alone and is our path to the Father. There are no other ways or paths to the Father that we can take.

Don’t sit on your get out of jail free card or the ultimate golden ticket that pays the price of your admission and entrance through the door that opens up to your and our salvation. There is no other lottery ticket in life that can solve all your problems. There is no jackpot on earth that can pay for or buy all that which Christ paid for with His sacrifice on the cross that we may be saved. There is no other ticket that has the ability to give you all you seek in life. It is only the true and ultimate golden ticket of salvation through Jesus Christ that we, our culture and our world can find freedom from sin, forgiveness, mercy, grace, redemption, life enteral, love, hope and true and lasting joy. It is a free gift given to us, our culture and the world through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ may we all accept and go on our new journey of faith in Jesus Christ. For those of us who have started and traveled our own journey of faith and salvation may we continue going forward showing and sharing the true colors (black, red, blue, white, green and yellow) of the message of love, the gospel of good news and hope and of salvation to our culture an world.

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True Colors of our faith

True Colors  of our faith

And I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
I see your true colors
Shining through (true colors)
I see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful (they’re beautiful)
Like a rainbow
Oh oh…

There was a great song, and it has been covered and remade by a variety of people through the years, from the 80’s done by Cyndi Lauper called ‘True Colors’. This song for me personally has had much significance and meaning for me and my life for a long time and for many reasons and still does. I have used this song and the idea of my true colors in my other writings about my journey through my own motherhood. I feel like the lyrics of this song particularly the chorus can have many applications in life in a number of ares. You might be wondering how this can be relevant to one’s journey of faith. Once we have as individuals have chosen the road less traveled there are true colors that we see, follow and will show to our culture for them to hopefully to chose to see and follow as well. In showing these true colors of the message of love and Gospel of hope and salvation to our salvation we are showing the world the path to travel and follow as believers in Jesus Christ. I remember when I was growing up as a kid and in VBS we had for would make a power band as a tool for sharing the message of good news of salvation with people. It was a leather band and we would put six colored beads on which were black, red, blue, white, green and yellow. Each bead had a particular meaning and significant relevant to the plan of salvation.


The first color bead on the band of salvation is black. This color represents the idea of Sin, that we have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Also symbolized by black is the darkness of sin in our lives and the world. Moreover blackness because in our sin it’s impossible to have a relationship with God. The second component is the belief that without salvation we are dead in our sin and have no life apart from, in and through Jesus Christ. (Romans 6:23) The second bead is red and this color represents the sacrificial death and redemptive blood of Jesus Christ shed on the cross for our sins. This action and sacrifice of and price paid by Jesus is essential and mandatory for our salvation (Romans 5:8) There is absolutely no salvation without the blood of Christ being shed for the forgiveness our sins. This belief of Jesus atoning for our and the world sins is what is meant by John 14:6. It is through Jesus and Jesus alone that we have a way to the Father and to be forgiven of our sins and that we can have a relationship with God.

The third color bead and part of the message of salvation represented on the power band is the color of white. This color represents purity. This also symbolizes that once we are saved by putting our faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior our sins are forgiven and we are now made pure cleans from all of our sins in and through Jesus Christ. This is where the theology and doctrine of our purification and sanctification comes from. This is the idea that we are made holy, set apart, made pure and set free from our sin because of the redemptive blood and sacrifice of Jesus Christ. (I John 3:5) Blue is the fourth bead and color on the power band of salvation. This represents the act and sacrament of Baptism. The belief that is being baptized is that the water has washed away our sines and we now have a new life in and through Christ. The idea of being baptized is to show and give an outwardly expression and representation to the world of our choice to be a believer and follower of Christ. Also it symbolizes the inner change that has happened inside of us after choosing to follow Christ as our Lord and Savior. (Acts 2:41)

The next bead is the fifth bead and it is the color of green. Green symbolizes our new found life eternal in and because of Jesus Christ. Also represented by green is the idea of our growth and continual growth in Christ and in our faith. This is the beginning of our journey of faith we now travel as believers and followers of Christ (2 Peter 3:18). The sixth and final, although not least, bead and color on the power band of salvation is of gold or yellow. Represented by this color is the idea of heaven. This symbolized the belief of life after death and our true home being prepared for us with God and Jesus for life eternal. As beliers we look to and should long for the day when we are home with God and Jesus in heaven (John14: 2- 3). It is in and through these true colors of salvation that we show our culture and the world and share with theme the message of love and the gospel of hope through the good news of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior we

These are the true colors of our faith as individual believers and as collectively as the body of Christ and for our culture and for the world for whom may believe in Christ Jesus. To mean while these true colors make total sense for the message end Gospel of Christ I have always found these choice in colors of the power band of salvation most interesting. Stay with me a minute another thing I have always found interesting the colors in the Olympic flag. I have always loved the olympic games and enjoy watching them. I think the reason why I have always loved and enjoyed Olympic games that it’s the representation of and the idea of the for a certain time the world comes together regardless of color, race, nationality and ethnicity. For a short while the worlds stops and all falls by the wayside and comes together united for a common goal, in harmony and peace.

I remember noticing one time as a kid when watching I noticed the flag and the color of the rings in the flag. What I find interesting is that the flag and the power band of salvation have the exact same colors in them black, red, blue, white, green and yellow. I have wondered if that is a coincidence or just because so many flags of the world have similar colors in them that comprise of these six colors. Then could it be there is significance and meaning in all things in life that point back to the the true colors that represent and point back to the message of love and Gospel of hope of Salvation that comes from Jesus Christ that is for all mankind and the whole world. Moreover that its this message that Jesus Christ alone can we as mankind and the world truly find peace, harmony and be united through message of love and the Gospel of hope only found in Jesus Christ. Its these colors that have and represent the most true meaning of love and hope through Jesus for all, you, me, our culture and the whole world. May we as believers strive to always show and shine the meaning of the true colors of message of love, the gospel of hope and the good news of salvations of Jesus Christ to the world as we journey forward in our faith.

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